Hi - my betrothed and I really don't want a sit down dinner reception for a number of reasons. His family is quite religious and do not drink, my family tend to drink a lot.
We have come to the following compromise: we are getting married at 12 noon with an hor d'ouevre reception immediatly folloing. The caterer assures me there will be enough food to consider this a luncheon buffet. There will be hot hor d'ouevres, sandwiches, vegetable and cheese trays, cake and coffee, sparkling grape juice etc. At 4PM we will bid the guests farewell to go for our pictures. That night however we also wish to have a very informal dance with cocktails at a local hall close to our favorite nightclubs. That would start at 8 or 9.
My mother-in-law now insists that some of her relatives will want to come to the dance and as such I am obliged to provide MORE food and coffee and tea at this event. My mother suggests that because we are asking my family to hang around over the supper hour between the afternoon recpetion and the start of the dance, there really should be food at the dance reception, if for no other reason than to soak up some of the booze that will no doubt be consumed in the interim.
Both mothers are distraught about leaving guests (especially out of town ones) to their own devices for four hours between the afternoon reception and the dance. Both are also concerned about our guests not having enough to eat over the course of a very long day, and of us looking cheap. I would schedule the dance party for another day (month, year!) if I thought that our friends and the relatives we actually like could make it, but at least half of them are from out of town.
How can we have what WE want (and we are paying) but still reassure the parents?
Should we schedule an event for our guests over the supper hour, such as a bus or boat tour? Should we serve food at the dance? And how should the invitations read? Should we even bother to issue a formal invite to the dance, and perhaps just mention this at the afternoon reception as if it was some spontaneous idea, therefore not requiring us to plan for our guests over the supper hour?
We have already decided that it would not be fair to just invite his family to the afternoon event while mine are invited to both.
Help! Jodi
stesd_out
Jan 21, 2006, 6:48 AM
Post #2 of 7
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Re: [stesd_out] 2 receptions, no sit down meal?
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PS - we are also trying to do this wedding on a budget of about 6000-7000. The no-dinner idea was supposed to save money but it's causing a lot of stress!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 21, 2006, 4:23 PM
Post #3 of 7
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Re: [stesd_out] 2 receptions, no sit down meal?
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Dear Jodi,
Yes, this is a problem. If you are hosting a dance affair, you are required to provide food. If you are wanting to save money, why include the dance hour? Your afternoon reception is fine.
You can always go out dancing with friends to celebrate on another day. Skipping the dance reception means that you will be providing everyone with a reception that is expected at that time of day. You definitely don't have to schedule anything for the remainder of the day.
Also, you are hosting this. The mothers have no say in who is invited. It is nice to offer them a few seats. But, it isn't an obligation.
Re: [stesd_out] 2 receptions, no sit down meal?
[In reply to]
Thanks for the advice, we definitely have some choices to make. Rather than scrap the dance altogether, our families and now offering to do a "pot-luck" at the dance, is this reasonable?
Or if we choose they will help out with the expenses, so if we take them up on that we may have something simple and catered like a couple of food stations, ie. sandwich station with various meats and cheezes plus a dessert and coffee station, or a cold appetizer selection.
Would that be ok?
Which option do you think is best?
Nancy Tucker
PRESIDENT - WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL
Jan 22, 2006, 9:29 AM
Post #5 of 7
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Re: [stesd_out] 2 receptions, no sit down meal?
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Dear stesd_out,
This sounds like a good compromise if the family wants to provide the food or pay the expenses. Since the dance is informal, you would not want to wear your gown. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 22, 2006, 1:02 PM
Post #6 of 7
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Re: [stesd_out] 2 receptions, no sit down meal?
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I completely agree as long as your family would be providing all of the food for the 'pot luck'. You wouldn't want to ask any of the guests to bring anything.
But, is sounds like it is coming together :) Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
stesd_out
Jan 22, 2006, 2:03 PM
Post #7 of 7
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Re: [stesd_out] 2 receptions, no sit down meal?
[In reply to]
Thanks to you both for the great advice. It IS coming together, despite my lack of experience in planning big parties!
One last question, should we mention both the afternoon reception and the informal evening dance on our invitations?
I'd like to keep the invitations focused on the main event. Any suggestions?
2 receptions, no sit down meal?
