The following was a letter I received after I accepted a wedding invitation. How do I respond?
We were very excited to get your response to our invitation. We can't wait to see you at the big event.
In fact, the response has been so overwhelming, we've actually gotten ourselves in a little spot. Frankly; we're out of money.
This is due to the unexpexted attendance level (we expected and budgeted for 160, and we already have 250 confirmed ), the fact that we've had to halt plans to sell the house in Ft. Worth, as daughter and her mother need to move back in for a while, and a couple of other setbacks.
So we've decided to go to a few of our good friends and discreetly (and humbly) ask for help in these matters in lieu of material gifts.
Here's what we have yet to cover: Hall: $1250 Etra Catering/Staff $3000ish Flowers $500 Cake $400 travel $600
Naturally, every dollar toward helping us meet these expenses will be a considerable step toward saving our asses, and we look forward to thanking you with exhuberant (if not debauched) reciprocity!!!
We love y'all and can' wait to see y'all.
Humbly yours,
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jul 30, 2004, 6:24 PM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jul 16, 2004, 5:02 PM
Post #2 of 5
(4762 views)
Re: [flabbergasted] how to respond ??
[In reply to]
I assume you received this letter after you had reesponded positively to a wedding invitation.
Frankly, if I were to have received this piece of mail I would be so offended that I would immediately decline this invitation (for lack of a better word). To invite guests over and above the number you can actually afford to pay for is incredible. Your bride is supposed to be the host and you the guest. The meaning of the word host is One who receives or entertains guests in a social or official capacity and One that furnishes facilities and resources for a function or event. The word guest means One who is a recipient of hospitality at the home or table of another. There is no mention of the guest having to pay for himself nor should there be. Your bride should learrn the meaning of these two words.
If you have already responded that you will attend then I would ignore this request for money and leave it as a hard earned etiquette lesson for this bride. Let her figure out how to pay for her misplanned reception. Unless she will be standing at the door selling tickets. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 16, 2004, 5:27 PM
Post #3 of 5
(4756 views)
Re: [flabbergasted] how to respond ??
[In reply to]
Dear How to Respond,
I agree with the Wedding Queen--good answer.
To be completely honest, as I was reading it, I thought it had to be a joke. I can't imagine anyone actually writing it with a straight face. It is so very over the top with the candid report about mother and daughter moving in and an itemized list of costs.
You really do not need to respond unless you have decided not to attend.
Hopefully more people will read all of this and realize that if you give yourself a party, you pay for it.
Re: [flabbergasted] how to respond ??
[In reply to]
I too am flabbergasted. How tasteless can you be? I agree totally with the Wedding Queen and Et.Rebecca. This is not what I'd consider a serious social commitment, this is a request to sponsor their wedding. In some cultures, it is customary to have close family and friends sponsor parts of the wedding. In that situation, the family and friends involved would already know what portion of the wedding they are sponsoring. This would never be accomplished by notifying guests of a cash flow problem.
I'd consider the friendship involved here as to whether you intend to attend and ignore their request or reconsider and send your regrets as your response. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
mannersmith
Manners & Etiquette Expert
Aug 2, 2004, 8:50 AM
Post #5 of 5
(4553 views)
Re: [flabbergasted] how to respond ??
[In reply to]
That takes the prize. Weddings are not fundraisers and invitations are not invoices. If I received that note, I would politely decline. Ick! Jodi R R Smith
how to respond ??
