My fiancee and I are getting married in Sept 2006. He is baptist, though hardly practices and I was raised protestant. Our relationship has been amazing (obviously if we're getting married) and religion has never been an issue with us, I have not practiced since I was about 10, and then went to a Catholic high school where I rebelled against religion because it was forced on me. After meeting my fiancee, we went to church a few times to please his family who is VERY baptist, and very pushy when it comes to me believing their ideas. Besides saying grace at dinner with his family and going to church a few times we don't practice religion at all. Now, we just met with the Pastor that he's grown up with and Im fine with him doing the service however I am very frustrated because not only did he tell me that I need to see him and talk about how I can be saved by Jesus, he also told me that our vows will begin with " Here today we are joining these two in making their SECOND most important decision in life...that to spend their lives together, the first most important decision is in their relationship with God and how he has saved them..." Now I feel that these vows are not all true coming from my mouth, yes I believe in Jesus and the bible however I do not feel that Jesus is more important that our marriage..sorry maybe Im going to hell for that..but its my feeling. I think he is doing it only to please his family, but at the same time I feel that is is disrespecting mine. My grandfather is a Protestant minister, and half of my family has never even been to a Sunday service, so to be incorporating so much religion feels unfair to my family. I am willing and open to having prayer and some religion just not those vows!!!! So someone please give me advice on how to compromise or any ideas of what to do because right now its a very sore topic for us...PLEASE!!!!!!!
RevSusanna
Interfaith Wedding Minister
Feb 8, 2006, 7:17 PM
Post #2 of 6
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Re: [snocrzy18] Compromise on religious vows??
[In reply to]
First and foremost, you need to discuss this with your fiance`. Tell him how you feel--calmly. Keep it about your own feelings and beliefs, without criticism. You can respect the beliefs of the Pastor and your fiance`'s family without agreeing with them. Then open-heartedly ask your fiance` how he feels about these words. Only then can you both come up with a course of action with which to handle this. On this issue and other issues, before his family, your family and the pastor, you need to present a united front.
Just as you said: First tell the pastor that you believe in Jesus and the bible. If you believe Jesus is your savior then you can say that too. You can also tell him that you do not wish those words included in your vows for the reason you mentioned. Do discuss with your fiance` what would be your course of action should the pastor refuse to do the wedding! (Bear in mind, there are Baptist ministers who will perform the service without those particular words.)
(This post was
edited by RevSusanna on Feb 8, 2006, 9:48 PM)
RevSusanna
Interfaith Wedding Minister
Feb 8, 2006, 7:35 PM
Post #3 of 6
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Re: [snocrzy18] Compromise on religious vows??
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P.S. I for one do not believe you are going to hell for your beliefs. Joseph Campbell once said, "If you are married, and your marriage doesn't come first, then you really aren't married!" Marriage is afterall a sacrament. I believe it is a sacred vocation, created and ordained by God. I am a minister and in my life, my marriage/family come first. I don't see God, my husband, my child, my ministry as mutually exclusive. God lives in my husband and child, and it is in serving THEM that I serve God. It is with love and care that we serve God in all we do, for God is all. Love is the key. Reverend Susanna Stefanachi Macomb Author of Joining Hands and Hearts, Interfaith, Intercultural Wedding Celebrations, A Practical Guide for Couples
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Feb 8, 2006, 7:39 PM
Post #4 of 6
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Re: [RevSusanna] Compromise on religious vows??
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Wow - what a wonderfully loving and caring response. I think we can all learn from these thoughts. Thank you Reverend! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
RevSusanna
Interfaith Wedding Minister
Feb 8, 2006, 9:57 PM
Post #5 of 6
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Re: [TWQadmin] Compromise on religious vows??
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(This post was
edited by RevSusanna on Feb 8, 2006, 9:57 PM)
Deacon Bob
INDEPENDANT CATHOLIC DEACON
Feb 9, 2006, 6:46 AM
Post #6 of 6
(1184 views)
Re: [snocrzy18] Compromise on religious vows??
[In reply to]
Wow I never before heard vows like that. I agree you must speak with your fiance' about this issue. Be prepared I am not sure this Pastor will change. But Rev. Susanna is correct there are others who will be more flexible. Marriage and Jesus are both important and I am not sure it is a good idea to identify either as more important then the other. Jesus during his life placed great importance on marriage.
Has there ever been any discussion of having your grandfather officiating the ceremony? It would appear to me that might be the point of least resistance. I hope I am not going to far out here but I was always raised to believe that you get married in the bride's church and if a family member is clergy you ask them to officiate the marriage ceremony. Best wishes and I will say a prayer that you are able to work this out. God Bless. Bob Deacon Bob Tousey
Compromise on religious vows??
