My fiance and I had barely been engaged a week when both sets of parents forced the meeting to discuss wedding plans. The only thing my fiance and I agreed upon or wanted was a spring or later 2006 wedding - so we would have time to plan it right - and a Saturday night wedding - so our friends and we could feel good about partying partying partying.
Both Sets of parents agreed that there was no need to wait and decided that we could be married October or November 2005.
My parents (Bride) have decided to invite office co-workers and employers who they claim are vital to their employment and important to them to the wedding. These specific people are glatt kosher. Neither me nor my fiance are kosher or glatt kosher. We asked if we could have separate meals for these individuals and were informed that it was tacky to do that and my parents would not agree to it. My fiance and I agreed to look for a glatt kosher wedding.
Finding a glatt kosher wedding location on a Saturday night is virtually impossible. We have found several affordable places and have been told by my parents that the date was bad because of the weather or because the sabbath ended too late on saturday and dining would commence at 10 or 11:00. Or that the people who followed the sabbath would not be able to make it to the ceremony on time if we had a saturday night wedding because they would have to go home and change and then could not make it in time.
My parents have come out and said that if they are paying for the wedding they can and will insist on these limitations and that I as a new bride do not know what I am talking about or what I really want. I am ready to elope but my fiance really wants a wedding.
I feel that if we have the wedding on Sunday that my friends will be put out because of work the next day, as will many family members.
My parents have not made any effort to compromise nor identify the people they are inviting who might arrive late and miss the ceremony.
They are not willing to increase the amount of money they want to spend on the wedding to accommodate the increased cost of a glatt kosher wedding and they are not willing to permit my fiance and I to contribute to accommodate the increased cost of a saturday night wedding at a time when shabbat ends early.
What do I do and how do I handle unreasonable parents?
You are way too early in your planning process to be feeling like eloping. Now, not tomorrow or the next day, talk to a religious leader and see if any of your parents objections can be overcome by just a time change. Then sit down with your fiance and determine what the two of you are willing to compromise. Then you need to present this to your parents since they are the ones making the demands. Explain to them the fact that you have a vision of your wedding and you're sure they'd love to hear it. Note to them that you have already changed the wedding date by several months. Tell them of any of the objections you've overcome through your research with the religious leader. Get the facts and talk, talk, talk. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
The only other suggestion that I have is that if this does not work, you and your fiance could finance your own wedding without your parent's assistance. This way you can plan your wedding without their guidance.
Glatt Kosher wedding
