My fiance and I are Wiccan. My sister is the only other person in my family who isn't Catholic- she's also Wiccan, though she doesn't advertise it like I do. My mother considers herself a little of both, Catholic and Wiccan.
I'm worried about how all my Catholic relatives are going to take us having an all out Wiccan Handfasting. I'm planning on putting it on the invites and put an explanation on our wedding website. Should that be enough to calm everyone's fears about our ceremony or is there something else I could/should do?
I don't want to just avoid inviting the "over the top Catholics" because they are my family, but I'm worried they may cause a scene at the ceremony and/or reception.
[And his family isn't religious- except for his two sister-in-laws who are Catholic. But his one brother already rudely said he wasn't going to bring his kids because it was going to be Wiccan!]
(This post was
edited by WolfSpirit on Feb 15, 2009, 3:53 PM)
RevSusanna
Interfaith Wedding Minister
Post #2 of 7
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Re: Inviting Catholic Relatives to Wiccan wedding
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Hello,
I have done many Wiccan as well as Wiccan/Catholic interfaith ceremonies. I have also combined Celtic rituals and blessings with Catholic elements. You may explain the Wiccan Handfasting on your website as well as in your wedding program in an all embracing manner. However, here you still risk offending some. Or you can do the handfasting without calling it "Wiccan". That is often what I do. Done this way, the Handfasting is popular with many of my couples--Wiccan and not.
Below is a passage with regard to the Handfasting taken directly from my book, Joining Hands and Hearts, Interfaith, Intercultural Wedding Celebrations, that I think may help you. It will give you options. You will see where I took Wiccan/Celtic words and ritual and adapted them. You will see where I combined the handfasting with more Christian ecumenical tradition. And you will see where I included family participation. Feel free to adapt the words and rituals as you wish.
From Joining Hands and Hearts:
Handfasting, or binding of the hands: I have done many variations on the theme, which can be simple or elaborate, ecumenical, humanist or cultural in tone. Typically, the handbinding fits most comfortably after the couple’s declaration of intent and before they take their vows. Here are some suggestions: The basic handfasting. If the celebrant is using her prayer stole, she may first take the stole in her hands. Celebrant: “This prayer stole indicates that something within yourselves yet infinitely greater than yourselves has joined you together. [Or: “This prayer stole indicates that God has joined you together.”] As your hands are bound, so are your hearts, minds, bodies and souls.” The celebrant wraps their hands, closes her eyes in a few moments of silent prayer, and then unwraps their hands. The ritual may end there, or the celebrant may say the following words, adapted from a Celtic handfasting. Supporting the couple’s joined hands with her right hand from below: Celebrant: “As you hold the hands of your beloved, listen to what I am about to say. Above you are the stars, below you is the earth, as time does pass, remember: Like the earth should your love be firm. Like a star should your love be constant, imbued with the light of God [or: imbued with light]. Let the powers of the mind and of the intellect guide you in your marriage. Let the strength of your wills bind you together. Let the power of love and desire make you happy, and the strength of your dedication make you inseparable.” Anointing and wrapping of the hands. The anointing of the hands with oil is a ritual I have developed. Anointing marks a rite of passage into the new and sacred life of marriage, considered by many an ordained life. Usually, I combine the anointing with the wrapping or binding of the hands. Celebrant: “Since it is your intention to join in marriage, kindly extend your hands, palms facing upward.” The celebrant places her hands, palm to palm and one at a time, upon the hands of the bride and groom. Celebrant: “Your hands represent giving and receiving. I now anoint them into your new life. May your giving and receiving never end.” She blesses the oil and then may anoint the hands with a single touch or with the sign of infinity (a sideways figure eight). (In a Christian marriage, she may use the sign of the cross.) She then asks the couple to please join hands, and wraps their hands loosely together in her prayer stole or the designated piece of cloth. Including family members. If the mothers are being honored at another ritual during the service, such as in the lighting of the unity candle, you may wish to involve the fathers at this point by asking for their blessing on the union. Alternatively, all parents—perhaps stepparents as well—may come forward. In one large Latino family, all eleven of the couple’s brothers and sisters came up one by one to bless the marriage. I encouraged each to say a few personal words to the couple; there were moments of tears, of laughter, and of reverence. It was deeply meaningful for this bride and groom. Celebrant: “Will the fathers of the bride and groom please come forward? “Your children ask your blessing upon their marriage. Do you bless this union? [They respond: Yes.] Then will you each place your right hand upon the hands of your children and join me in a silent prayer.” The celebrant places one hand on top of the fathers’ hands and one hand below the couple’s hands, in a cradling or cupping gesture. There follows a silent prayer (thirty seconds or so), or the celebrant may say a brief prayer. She then thanks the fathers and asks them to be seated. Holding hands in a moment of silence. If you do not like the idea of your hands being bound, your celebrant may simply hold your hands in a reverent moment. After the declaration of intent, the celebrant asks: “Since it is your intention to join in marriage, will you now join hands and with your hands your hearts.” These words are from Shakespeare. Then she holds your enjoined hands with both of hers—gently, reverently, with closed eyes, for a moment of silent prayer and blessing. This is a wonderful and reverent prelude to the vows. It focuses and prepares the couple to say the powerful words to follow.
Re: Inviting Catholic Relatives to Wiccan wedding
[In reply to]
Please do not mention the type of ceremony on your invitations unless yours is very informal. We mention the particulars as stated so very well here, on your website and on the programs. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
DennyandKay
MARRIAGE PREPARATION ADVISORS
Post #4 of 7
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Re: Inviting Catholic Relatives to Wiccan wedding
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The handfasting ceremony from Rev. Susanna's book sounds lovely and deeply symbolic. We hope the Catholic family members who attend your handfasting will be openminded enough to wish you both well.
From the Catholic viewpoint, most of your relatives will likely not consider your ceremony a true wedding and they may show concern for your immortal soul. You don't mention in your post whether you were baptized Catholic or not before you chose to be Wiccan, but having people concerned enough to pray for you is never a bad thing.
Briefly outlining the handfasting ceremony on your web site is a wonderful idea. Your relatives can read about it and be more informed, without it being emblazoned on the invitations.
You sound like a person who is both firm in convictions and yet sensitive to the consciences of others. May God guide you in your decisions. Kay and Dennis Flowers Authors of Catholic Annulment, Spiritual Healing
WolfSpirit
Post #5 of 7
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Re: Inviting Catholic Relatives to Wiccan wedding
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In Reply To
Or you can do the handfasting without calling it "Wiccan". You will see where I combined the handfasting with more Christian ecumenical tradition.
Thank you for the advice, but see we don't want to hide our religion. So there-in lies our problem. And we certainly don't want to have any type of Christian elements just to please others. We are Wiccan, and we are very, very proud of this. So for us, trying to hide it under Celtic tradition would seem to cheat the whole idea. They are good ideas, it's just I don't want to hide what it is or write it off at all. And being that it is a traditional ceremony, it would be hard to hide it anyway.
WolfSpirit
Post #6 of 7
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Re: Inviting Catholic Relatives to Wiccan wedding
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In Reply To
The handfasting ceremony from Rev. Susanna's book sounds lovely and deeply symbolic. You don't mention in your post whether you were baptized Catholic or not before you chose to be Wiccan
Yes, it is beautiful. But we have already written our ceremony ourselves. There is no hiding that it is a Wiccan ceremony- from the summoning of the elements, to invoking the God and Goddess, and casting a circle. You pretty much can't hide it, haha.
Yes, I was baptized Catholic. I became Wiccan when I was 12.
RevSusanna
Interfaith Wedding Minister
Post #7 of 7
(637 views)
Re: Inviting Catholic Relatives to Wiccan wedding
[In reply to]
Therefore then, my dear, as you said, explain the symbolism of the ceremony and all its elements as best as you can---on your website and in your programs. If you are very close to certain relatives, talk to them about the ceremony. You may ask your guests to respect your right to your beliefs, as you respect their right to their beliefs. You can not control how others may feel or what they will do. Take the high road, and let the chips fall where they will. If they decide to not attend the wedding ceremony, that is their choice. May the spirit of love, respect, tolerance and understanding fill the hearts of all on your wedding day... Rev.Susanna
Inviting Catholic Relatives to Wiccan wedding
