My mother-in-law to be continues to ask my fiance about my religious beliefs. He and his family are very Lutheran. I am getting married in a Lutheran Church and taking classes through this same church for his sake. I was raised in a non-denominational environment and was always allowed to make my own choice related to religious issues and I believe that my children shoud be raised the same way (we dont have kids yet). His mother is so concerned that we will not raise our kids Lutheran and that I was mislead in religion and she continues to hound my fiance with questions. He is unbiased and listens to both of us complaining. I feel as though I want to tell my mother-in-law to be to butt out and not worry about my religious beliefs because I feel they are not of her concern. And to not tell me how to raise my family. But at the same time I do not want her to have hatred towards me. I dont know what to do, but I want her to stop questioning my beliefs. Should I talk to her or at least tell her that if she has questions that she should be asking me and not my fiance?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Nov 3, 2004, 11:18 AM
Post #2 of 5
(4061 views)
Re: [lori99] Mother-In-Law asking too many questions
[In reply to]
I wouldn't "get into it" with the mother in law, let your groom field the questions and ask him to stop telling you. I would surely be having more conversation about religion with my groom before the big day to make sure that you are really both on the same page.
Also...you may need to examine the reasons why you find her questions so annoying.
While you may feel that your mother in law has no place being concerned about your religious beliefs remember that YOUR children will be HER grandchildren. Although she may not have the right to dictate how her son's children are raised she does have the right to be concerned and voice her opinion, if her son allows it. If he wants her to "butt out" then he should speak to her and assure her that her grandchildren, should there be any, will be attended to in his way. Try to think about it this way...this is a mother and potential grandmother who CARES enough to ask. Try to put yourself in her place and consdier everyone's feelings. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
RevFrye
Religion Forum Moderator
Nov 3, 2004, 11:36 AM
Post #3 of 5
(4059 views)
Re: [lori99] Mother-In-Law asking too many questions
[In reply to]
I have to agree with TWQamin. It seems as though the communication you are describing is taking place between mother and son. I suggest that you not take this issue personally - we can't control others and what they think - only ourselves. In the event the issue is brought by mom-in-law to you personally, then would be the time to spend the energy asserting your opinions on religion. Reverend Frye http://www.serviceministries.org
lori99
Nov 3, 2004, 11:42 AM
Post #4 of 5
(4053 views)
Re: [RevFrye] Mother-In-Law asking too many questions
[In reply to]
Both comments make sense I guess I should not take it personally, and try to be understanding on her views.
RevSusanna
Interfaith Wedding Minister
Nov 3, 2004, 12:08 PM
Post #5 of 5
(4049 views)
Re: [lori99] Mother-In-Law asking too many questions
[In reply to]
Whenever couples come to me with mother-in-law issues, I ask them this: "Are you presenting a united front to your parents? Are you conveying to mother that it is now "us" she must work with...?" This is crucial. Otherwise, you are sending your mother-in-law mixed signals. In this situation, I would also ask your fiance, "Does your future wife come first in your life?" This is also crucial.
Your mother in law as every right to be concerned and voice her opinion. You have every right to ask that she voice her concerns to you directly (your fiancee can be present). You can set bounderies---gently, lovingly, firmly .
Your fiancee feeding you her concerns/issues only creates frustration and friction. Other questions to consider: Is this purely about religion? Or is it mingled with a difficulty of letting go? Does she approve of her son's choice in marriage?
Try speaking to her heart to heart, openly---with honesty, and vulnerablily. There is strenght in loving vulnerability.
So much can be dispelled through good communication---soulful listen and talk. Listen from your heart.
It is good that you are addressing this now before your wedding.
Prayers of peace and reconciliation for all of you...
Mother-In-Law asking too many questions
