My son recently got engaged and I am very happy for him and very much like his fiance. However, they want to move in together but wait for 2 years to get married due to the fact that her brother is in Iraq. I can understand the issue with her brother, however, I am having a real issue about the living together thing. I was raised Catholic and continue to practice that religion and we have brought up our children in the Catholic faith. I do not understand the thought of living together for so long without being married and then throwing this big bash after two years. That seems to be the "norm" around here (we live in a small town.) However, I cannot help my feelings and moral beliefs. Can you suggest anything that we can do about this situation? Perhaps you can suggest a book to me to help me cope with this new trend. I have asked my son and his fiance if they are willing to compromise on NOT having her brother at the ceremony but she does not seem willing to compromise on that issue. I guess for the life of me I will never understand how after xxxx amount of years living together you would even want to put time, energy and money into a big wedding. Thank you for any help you can give me. I know that this is a sensitive issue so I am trying to tread lightly here.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 12, 2005, 8:37 AM)
Deacon Bob
INDEPENDANT CATHOLIC DEACON
Post #2 of 3
(4973 views)
Re: [michmom] cohabitation before marriage
[In reply to]
Sorry it took me a while to respond to this one. I read it shortly after you sent it and I wanted to give some thought and pray on my response. This is so common in our society that many people do not even notice. It is however, something that the church does not find acceptable.
I certainly can feel for your future daughter in law wanting to have her brother at the ceremony but also wanting to start her life with your son. The solution they have come up with is certainly much more accepted now than it has been in years past but I do understand your concerns and the Church's teaching. You are correct it is a sensative issue. I do not know any books that could help work through this. The best solution that I can suggest is to pray about it. I don't think the kids are going to move in their position and I hope you do not surrender your moral beliefs. But somehow God has a way to improve situations when we ask for his help and guidance. I wish I could have been of more assistance. Deacon Bob Tousey
RevSusanna
Interfaith Wedding Minister
Post #3 of 3
(4925 views)
Re: [michmom] cohabitation before marriage
[In reply to]
Deacon Bob gives wise and heartfelt counsel.
When we are faced with situations that we cannot control, prayer is our most powerful source of guidance, comfort and strength. Go deep inside. Then filled with Divine Presence, ask for God's guidance. Pray for right outcome in accordance with Divine Will. Pray for your son and his fiance. This will put everyone and the situation in a greater light. End your prayers with an open ended affirmation of faith and trust that God will facilitate the issue.
One question: Has the bride's family tried to petition special permission for the bride's brother to be flown here for his sister's wedding?
In my day living together was not commonplace. Today it is. I have a feeling that I will be in your same shoes when my son weds. When the time comes: I will pray on it. I will tread lightly.
cohabitation before marriage
