My fiance and i are at our whitts end. We are both jewish but I am from an ashkenazi conservative background and my fiance is from a sephardic orthodox background. When we first brought up the rabbi a couple months back there was so much fighting about this I couldn't deal so we didn't really resolve anything. My mom had wanted a ashkenazi orthodox rabbi integrating both but it hadn't really been discussed by both sides. When it came time to selecting a rabbi last week both sides parents were adament about a rabbi that represented their own religious sector. Being the bride I don't care but my mother is very adament about having a rabbi that reflects my heritage. My fiance comes from a very very large family and community and I a very small one which I think is playing a part in my mothers strong feelings. My fiance's parents are just as adament about having a sepharic orthodox rabbi and my fiance prefers that we have what he grew up with. I am ok with that but like I said my mother is not. My fiance's parents are very involved in their community and go to temple frequently which my family does not. Also - we are not doing any of the other traditional sephardic traditions so I thought him having a rabbi that reflects his heritage would be nice. When I told my mother we found a sephardic orthodox rabbi she started yelling I mislead her and is boycotting the wedding as is the rest of my family to support her. We threw out the 2 rabbi idea but both sides said it wouldn't be fair to the other rabbi who was standing more to the side. My intentions were never to mislead her but that I just couldn't deal with all the fighting. I thought marrying jewish was the issue but now the level of jewishness is a problem. The thing is either way the ceremony would be very similar. Everyone would sit together and there would be a slight variation on the prayers. My fiance and i love eachother and are getting married and it is supposed to be a happy occasion.... Do you have any advice or words of wisdom???
Why not revisit the two rabbi idea again? You should be able to find two rabbis who are willing to share equal time, one not overshadowing the other, in mutual respect, tolerance and understanding. It may take some research and effort on your part, a lot of heartfelt explaining to the kind rebbes, but it is better than the fighting.
This may or may not be a consolation: What you are going through is not atypical. Weddings are family affairs and both sides often struggle for equal representation. When you feel yourself shrinking inside from the family stress, take a deep breath. Become bigger. Fill yourself with love. Say a prayer. Then small or not-so-small miracles can happen.
As a non-denominational Wedding Minister and Officiant here in Seattle, I work with couples of different faiths and also with couples who share a similar faith and with differences. I fully agree with the beautiful advice from Rev. Susannah - focus on the two Rabbi approach and always ask in the process, "what would love do?" My best wishes to you. Annemarie Juhlian, Wedding Officiant & Minister
major rabbi dilemma
Do you have any advice or words of wisdom??? 
