My husband and I will be renewing our vows on our 9th anniversary. We wanted it to be on our 10th, but due to his deployment history we cannot guarantee him being home. I don't want to offend any new friends we may have who are service members that we might invite. We are new to this station and have just bought our first house and will be planning to have our ceremony in our back yard. Since the military has their own set of rules on what is proper it’s difficult to tell what is appropriate and what is not.
Is it okay if my husband wears his dress uniform, or if my brother or his brother wears theirs even though they are from different service branches? (Army, Navy, and Air Force) Our brothers will not be "attendants" but we do plan on including them by having read a poem or scripture.
If the men do wear their uniforms is it considered a military ceremony? I'm not sure of the protocol for a military renewal of vows if it is not a wedding.
Another difficulty may lie in the fact that a lot of us (my family), have had some experience with weddings. I'm a photographer, my mother in law decorates for them, and my father is a minister who has officiated over a few. Although none of us have had any experience with re-affirmations. Since my husband and I got married without any of our families attending or involvement, they all feel a sense of being cheated out having a part and feel like this is their chance to make up for it. How do I balance everyone’s ideas and dreams and still have a ceremony that is respectful of our guests’ thoughts and feelings?
If you plan this as a reaffirmation of your love and marriage, it should be fine. Just focus on the fact that it is not a wedding, but something you can mold into something very special. Bringing the family into the ceremony is perfect. Writing your own vows of continued love and support is another perfect element.
One way to help your family understand what will be viewed as positive is to read what is considered proper. Please encourage all to read more about proper vow renewal etiquette. There are so few etiquette based articles and this one contains all of the etiquette one would expect in a proper ceremony and party.
The men could wear the uniform that portray the formality of your event. Their dress uniforms may be too formal. You wouldn't be in a formal dress. But, if you are fine with all eyes on the uniforms and not on you, they can wear their uniforms.
It wouldn't be a military ceremony.
Congratulations on your past nine years and future decades.
Military Etiquette
