My husband and I were married in Jan. of 2003 but weren't able to have a real wedding due to that fact he was being deployed to Iraq. We just had a courthouse wedding with my parents and a few of my friends. We want to renew our vows and have the actual wedding ceremony we weren't able to have then. We are planning on having this next February. When we got married we did not send out announcements or anything else due to the fact of the stress of the deployment. I'm not sure about etiquette since it is a vow renewal but its also the wedding our family and friends were never able to share with us. My other problems are how to word the invitations as well as how to put in there that it is all dependent on his re-deployment from Iraq this time. Help please!
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Oct 18, 2005, 7:08 PM
Post #2 of 9
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Re: [bnrhee2701] Question from a military wife.
[In reply to]
A vow renewal really doesn't need as much preparation time beforehand as a traditional wedding might so why not wait until you're sure about the date of his return? Once you have definite dates then go ahead and begin to hold dates and places.
Once he's home, safe and sound, you can have the blessing of your marriage in church, and your famiy can see you reaffirm the vows you took back in 2003. Since you are already married this would be the proper way to approach your ceremony. Check in with your clergy member to ask how your church handles vow renewals or marriage blessing.
Please visit the following sites for more information:
Renewing Wedding Vows Ceremony Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
bnrhee2701
Oct 18, 2005, 7:24 PM
Post #3 of 9
(1539 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Question from a military wife.
[In reply to]
I don't think that was really helpful. The army changes plans quite frequently, in order for me to wait until he was home to set a date I would have to wait until possibly 2-3 weeks before, with family all over the US that would not work. His father is a pastor so we can do this anyway we want. And I'm still thinking going for a real wedding. We never had that, didn't have the choice, the Army took him away, so away with vow renewal etiquette and on with what we want! Hopefully our friends and family will enjoy it. We can not follow half of the vow renewal etiquette anyway. If we only invited people that were there before there wouldn't be anyone there. If we wore the same this that would not be appropriate. If we wanted to have the same "attendants" we couldn't have any, because we didn't have any. So really I guess theres no way we COULD follow those etiquette rules. but thank you for you're response, it's just not very helpful in this situation.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Oct 18, 2005, 7:30 PM
Post #4 of 9
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Re: [bnrhee2701] Question from a military wife.
[In reply to]
With all due respect, how can you have a wedding when you are already married?
The vow renewal etiquette is just a listing of guidelines. What's important to note is the vows you'll recite and the type of ceremony you'll have. If his father is a pastor I'm sure he'll guide you through. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Oct 18, 2005, 7:35 PM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Oct 18, 2005, 7:33 PM
Post #5 of 9
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Re: [bnrhee2701] Question from a military wife.
[In reply to]
In reply to your comment about inviting those that attended the first wedding; I believe you misunderstood this. What the page says is that if you had attendants at your first wedding then it is appropriate to ask those same attendant to stand up again but, if you are not using the same attendants then attendants should be omitted completely. There is no mention of the guests you can or cannot invite; everyone is welcome! Please read over these pages again. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Oct 18, 2005, 7:34 PM)
bnrhee2701
Oct 18, 2005, 7:56 PM
Post #6 of 9
(1524 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Question from a military wife.
[In reply to]
No I meant we want to have the traditional wedding party we never had. We want to have them and we didn't have those to begin with so what we can't have that now? Maybe I need to seek advice from someone that is more involved with the military to truly understand what is taken from you when you can't have the ceremony you want because going to war is pending. But thank you again for your response, I do appreciate it. I will just have to talk to my inlaws, whom by the way are Korean and have a completely different way of doing things, maybe they will have some suggestions. thank you again.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Oct 18, 2005, 8:50 PM
Post #7 of 9
(1519 views)
Re: [bnrhee2701] Question from a military wife.
[In reply to]
You want a wedding. You are already married. The Wedding Queen is correct and gave you excellent advice--war or not.
She, me, and everyone else who gives etiquette advice are not trying to take anything away from you or anyone else. We are trying to help guide you in a socially acceptable direction. If you were to do something outside of what 'is expected' you may regret it... maybe now, maybe later.
If you ask for the advice from your Korean inlaws, which is wonderful to do, it will probably be etiquette (ly) correct for that culture. If you do not follow their advice, it would not be respectful to them. So, please be aware that you may not receive the answer and the result that you want.
Bottom line: It is best to only ask for advice when you actually want it and will follow it.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Question from a military wife.
[In reply to]
I do want advice. But unless you have actually been in the situation and understand it, its hard to truly get it.
So again thanks for the advice, I have already seeked advice from people who have been there, a rush wedding because their SO was being deployed to war.
TWQadmin
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Oct 19, 2005, 8:00 AM
Post #9 of 9
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Re: [bnrhee2701] Question from a military wife.
[In reply to]
I don't see the issue here. No one is telling you that you cannot have a ceremony to renew the vows which have already been said and have a party to celebrate afterwards. I suppose I am missing something and perhaps you could let us know exactly what it is that you want. Then, we could guide you better.
If what you want is to have your family and friends see you exchange vows, you can do that, they will just be reaffirming vows, but vows none the less. If you want a party, you can have a party to follow. So, what am I missing? I would like to have the opportunity to advise you properly.
Just for the record, I am a widow of a firefighter who died in the line of duty and I totally understand the sacrifices made by our military and their families. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Oct 19, 2005, 8:11 AM)
Question from a military wife.
