My husband were separated for almost 3 years. We have been reunited for about 2 years now, but were never divorced. We would like to have another wedding to celebrate our reunion and to also give us the wedding I never had (we had a small ceremony in Reno and a small reception a few weeks later at my mother in law's house).
I read the getting remarried site and it says to not have attendants. I have friends and family who want to be in this ceremony and I would love to have them in it. My circle of friends has changed quite a bit and a lot of people never got to see my ceremony.
Would it look really bad to have attendants? For my situation, how far can we go towards a first-time marriage type event? I understand the father/daughter dance, and the bouquet/garter toss and stuff should be omitted and that makes sense to me. But, I would like the actual ceremony to be more like a first-time wedding and so would my prospective female attendants and husband (parents are good with it and the male attendants of course don't care either way).
If I had attendants, how would the trot to the "alter" work? Could I walk with my husband and father? We are also getting new rings for each other as I have been wearing a new "engagement" ring for some time now, so we wanted to exchange rings for the ceremony as well. I was thinking of this sequence.... Flower girl and ring bearer, then bridesmaids and groomsmen, THEN EITHER I walk with my husband AND father, or my just husband, or me alone? I am not sure about that part.
I just want to make sure that I don't offend anyone or have anyone pointing fingers or anything. I want to have my friends and family there to share a happy time of us being reunited as husband and wife and to also have the ceremony we never had.
Please help! I want to do the right thing
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 6, 2005, 6:20 PM
Post #2 of 5
(2195 views)
Re: [JenniferGirl] Re-marriage After Separation
[In reply to]
Dear Remarriage,
Because you are already married, your ceremony would be a reaffirmation or renewal of your wedding vows. The only time using attendants make sense for renewals is when this ceremony is a milestone event and the couple is reuniting all of the bridal party from her wedding. It really doesn't make a lot of sense to have attendants, flower girl, and ring bearer for a reaffirmation unless you are reliving the past wedding. It may only cause a lot of confusion.
The engagement ring is confusing also. You are already married and to be engaged also is a bit strange. You may want to keep that quiet since you say that you worry about finger pointing.
Your ceremony can be very nice with both of you in formal attire. You probably don't want your father to walk you down the aisle because you are married and not 'being given away'. (don't like that term, sorry) You could either walk down the aisle alone or both of you could walk in from the sides toward the alter. It actually looks awesome when this is done.
If you choose to include a ring bearer for your new rings, be careful about using young children. They tend to get scared, scream, and hide under the nearest skirt.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Re-marriage After Separation
[In reply to]
Thank you for the feedback! We had attendants at our first wedding in Reno. They would be the same with the omission of one person who should not be included since she is my sister-in-law's husband's ex-girlfriend (don't ask...). I wanted to replace her with the best friend from high school that I lost contact with at the time we were first married. We want to redo the ceremony as it was. But I need to change one of the females. There are also a couple of men and women who would feel left out since they have become really good friends of ours. I rather include them than tell them no.
Only a handful of people were at the original ceremony and they were all close family. So, nobody else would really know how the ceremony went.
So, my main concern is if it would still be OK to include the original attendants with the exception of the different female?
Secondarily, could I add the closer friends in to the party since not many people were present at the original ceremony? I am trying to weigh the etiquette with the hurt feelings of people I care about.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 7, 2005, 5:58 PM
Post #4 of 5
(2181 views)
Re: [JenniferGirl] Re-marriage After Separation
[In reply to]
Jeez, this is tough. This is usually done for those mile stone reaffirmations with an anniversary party theme. I'm not sure how it will be taken by your guests. It may be just a bit too confusing--as if you are having a wedding.
If you decide to do this, you would have to make sure everyone knows that this is a reaffirmation of your love and marriage--that all of these people standing with you are doing so because they have been with you through all of the tough years. Perhaps this could be part of your personalized vows. This way it may not appear as if these are 'just' attendants.
This is a stretch and I hope it flies. It still may be very confusing. It is your choice. Think it through carefully. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 7, 2005, 6:09 PM
Post #5 of 5
(2178 views)
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Re-marriage After Separation
[In reply to]
I agree with Rebecca. Renewal of vows ceremony rarely have a bridal party, if anything you typically see the children escorting the mother or something of that nature.
Perhaps our religious team members would like to chime in here? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Re-marriage After Separation
