My husband and I (7 yrs, relationship for 22) have decided to have a renewal. We decided this clearly not based on a milestone anniversary but based on changed circumstances. In our first yr of marriage while pregnant with our 3rd attempt (None Successful) I was diagnosed with Cancer. Not only did I lose our 3rd child, but my ability to have children. Last year my Husband was diagnosed with a mental illness that came on AFTER we married that at times makes him like jeckyll & hyde, he can no longer work, and I lot of people tell me "they couldnt do it".
Based on these major events the people we are today are not the two people we married, with those dreams, plans and aspirations that will never be. We are repeatedly asked "If you knew, would you have.." And I have to admit that I have some insecurities about how he feels with me never being able to bear his child. So we would like to have this to actually marry the people we have become: the one who cannot provide blood children and the one who cannot work and has severe mental illness. And to say with finality: "Yes, I would marry Her", "Yes, I would marry Him" to all those who doubt us. While researching vow renewals I have continually been brought back to this site where it is made very clear that we are already married so this should not be treated as a wedding but a casual affair with no one or very small people, and more of an anniversary.
On the other hand I have a friend who has been married 4 times, generally meeting her next husband while married to the prior and has had multiple engagements between some that never made it as far as the aisle. This is currently happening again altho the friendship is over now due to my issues that don't belong in this post. Each time she has a large wedding with all the accoutrements.
I apologize for the long set up but I wanted my question to be clear. In my situation, I am not supposed to have another "Wedding" altho we are clearly very different, even to the point of our families feeling it and asking if we would have married blah, blah. But a person like her seems to be able to have as many "real weddings" as she wants with no frowns.
What are your thoughts and how do you compare about these two very different situations? Which I clearly feel very strongly about?
I'm sorry to hear about your cancer. I've been touched by this disease this year too. I wish you good health.
The difference between you and your friend's situations is that she is getting married while you are already married. I'm not going to say that I think what your friend is doing is appropriate, but, technically she can get married again if she is single. And, who says there are no frowns. I'm sure if you feel this way many others feel that way as well. There are many people who get married more than once who do it in a more appropriate manner.
You, however, are already married to your husband so a wedding is not appropriate. The vow renewal is the perfect ceremony for the two of you to re-state your love for one another. This can be a wonderfully romantic and beautiful ceremony, it's just not a wedding. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
I completely agree...and I completely agree. The Wedding Queen is right on. Many people frown on those who appear to be serial wedders who continue to have the lavish large weddings with all the trimmings with each new groom. Miss Manners rants about this often. So, it may seem as if others case a blind eye, but no. I believe it is more about mildly tolerating questionable behavior. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Renewal vs "Many" Encores
