My husband and I were married almost 15 years ago by a justice of the peace, in a court house. We did so due to logical reasons, and due money concerns we never had a true ceremony, reception, or any of the other fan fair. My only complaint about doing it this way is I never got any pictures. Now I want beautiful pictures, and beautiful memories.
I am a professional seamstress who recreates Victorian gowns for historic sites, and my husband and I have decided to renew our vows with our children in a park setting on a Victorian Covered bridge with family and close friends (Less than 50 guests)
In looking at what I have from making gowns, and historical re-enactments, I have realized I can do a true Victorian wedding on a shoe string budget, (less than $100.00) with the exception of the get together afterwards.
I have had beautiful white brocade silk set aside since the day he asked me to marry him. I have a beautiful plain finger tip veil set aside as well, no blusher, and hair crystals that attach to the hair which were used in the 1860’s. The veil will be attached to a comb and worn just above the neck.
One of my best friends is a florist and has offered to make me a huge traditional silk bouquet, with matching flowers for my kids.
I can make our daughters gowns, as our daughters will be our only attendants.
My husband has a reproduction 1860’s men’s suit.
I have a dear friend who is an ordained minister who will perform the service for us.
I plan on having 2 large hams roasting on a spit, and an 1860’s buffet style meal. Rather than have a full blown wedding cake, I would like to have white chocolate and raspberry cheese cakes for the guests and a small 6 inch cake for my husband and I.
I have ordered invitations, and have already passed the word that no gifts will be accepted, that the gift of their presence is more than enough. We have not / will not register anywhere.
I have spent the last several hours reading and rereading the advice given in this forum about what you should and should not do when renewing your wedding vows. I am heart broken.
The gown I have drafted will be an heirloom gown, it is a gown that both of my daughters and I have created, and some day they will get to wear it. You say no trains but trains were common during the late 1860’s even on day gowns, would this be unacceptable? The gown as planned is rather plain leaving room for them to add to it to make it unique and their own on their wedding day.
I see a wedding cake is unacceptable…
I see head pieces are unacceptable…
I see white gowns are unacceptable…
I see flowers are unacceptable…
I am so confused, and heart broken. The things I wanted to do seem to be taboo and I do not want to come across as a heel for wanting to do this, or actually doing it. I thought these ceremonies were for love, memories, and time to celebrate with family and friends. So I do not understand where etiquette comes into play, and will I be seen as a social clod for wanting to do this?
Thank you
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 20, 2005, 8:19 AM)
The items that you say are not acceptable can be in certain situations. But, what you are describing may appear as a wedding. So be careful. This is what we want to avoid and this is where etiquette comes into play. A reaffirmation should not mirror a wedding. This is viewed negatively because it may appear as if you just want to dress up for the day and create a gift giving event, which is far from true.
You are doing so many things correctly and with consideration of your guests. You spread the word about 'no gifts' and are not registering. Yea. You are including your children in the ceremony and providing a wonderful gathering afterward.
Now on to the don'ts you mentioned. You may have a wedding style cake if it is a reproduction of your first. But, you definitely can have the cake you are describing. It won't even resemble the typical wedding cake. Remember we just don't want to mirror a wedding.
You can have a hair piece, just not a blusher veil. This is reserved for the first time bride.
Trains are fine also. These were not acceptable just a few years ago. But, we realize that brides are not the only ones to wear these. The only ones who should refrain are wedding guests and mothers of the bridal couple. You are not of these.
A white gown is fine as long as it doesn't appear as a wedding gown. Yours is a theme dress--not even in the ball park. So, it is fine.
Flowers are fine. You can even have a bouquet. Just don't toss it.
Vow Renewal Etiquette
