I agree with all of the posted vow renewal etiquette, the problem is my sister-in-law does not. She and my brother eloped a year ago (she was pregnant) with only my parents, her parents, and me in attendance. In July, she plans to have the wedding of her dreams (funded by her parents primarily) - dress, large guest list, 6 attendants on each side, huge reception, etc. I am appalled by this! I hosted an elaborate baby shower for her 4 months ago, and I know she will expect me to throw a bridal shower since she feels "jipped". How do I handle this, along with all of the tongue biting I will need to do as the date approaches? Would you believe she wants to encourage people to give money for a house since they already have an established household? All of this is so tacky, it's mind-blowing! I kept my mouth shut in the beginning, but as the plans develop, it's getting really hard to act like I support all that's going on. Has anyone faced this before? I fear family and friends will start asking questions, especially about the gift situation, but I don't know how to answer them. I don't want it to seem that I support all of this, but I also don't want to end up looking like the bad guy. HELP!!
Yikes! I really feel for you. Unfortunately you are in good company. A growing number of people are in the same boat you are. Perhaps it is the popularity of reality programming. Who knows?
I suppose you could just keep repeating that you read quite a bit and know that it is considered impolite to host a bridal shower for a wife. Hopefully if you just state that you can't be a part of it because this is how you feel, maybe they will keep you out of it. You are just stating your feelings.
Sounds like brother needs to "find" a special etiquette book - maybe delivered to him anonymously with the pages on vow renewals bookmarked!
I agree with Rebecca. How can they get married when they are already married? I am certain that other guests will be scratching their heads when these invitations roll out!
Just because your sister-in-law expects a shower or a gift doesn't mean YOU have to give it to her. Perhaps, if friends and family started to withhold from this woman everything she expects maybe the "wanting" and "needing" will stop! Heck - you don't even have to attend this event. Give what you want, when you feel it is appropriate.
If a few of the other friends and family members are becoming sick of this behavior too perhaps you could all plan an "intervention". Sit the couple down and tell them, in no uncertain terms that, although you're very happy for them, they are already married and you've given all you care to give. Tough love.
Please let us know how this turns out for all of you. Good luck! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Vow renewal turning into huge wedding!
I agree with all of the posted vow renewal etiquette, the problem is my sister-in-law does not. She and my brother eloped a year ago (she was pregnant) with only my parents, her parents, and me in attendance. In July, she plans to have the wedding of her dreams (funded by her parents primarily) - dress, large guest list, 6 attendants on each side, huge reception, etc. I am appalled by this! I hosted an elaborate baby shower for her 4 months ago, and I know she will expect me to throw a bridal shower since she feels "jipped". How do I handle this, along with all of the tongue biting I will need to do as the date approaches? Would you believe she wants to encourage people to give money for a house since they already have an established household? All of this is so tacky, it's mind-blowing! I kept my mouth shut in the beginning, but as the plans develop, it's getting really hard to act like I support all that's going on. Has anyone faced this before? I fear family and friends will start asking questions, especially about the gift situation, but I don't know how to answer them. I don't want it to seem that I support all of this, but I also don't want to end up looking like the bad guy. HELP!! 
I am certain that other guests will be scratching their heads when these invitations roll out! 