Hello, I have read several of the posts and I am not really understanding something. My husband and I eloped in 2005 the day before he left for the army. We didn't really have a choice if we were going to be able to stay together while he was in the military and it was last minute. He is now getting out, and I wanted to have more of a "real" wedding next year on our 5 year wedding and 10 year dating annerversary. We were married on Halloween, so I wanted to do a small close family, one bridesmaid and one groomsmen, etc. at a local bridal cave were they have a chapel inside the cave, and a costume party afterwards. No Bachlorette, shower, registry or anything like that just a simple ceramony and party. However, I was planning on wearing a wedding dress, and doing a 30's Bonnie and Clyde type of attire for the ceramony and costume party afterward, and also for my bridesmaid and groomsmen. I also just planned on just having sort of like renewal vows. I have already talked to the people I planned on having there, and they all thought it was a great idea, (my future bridesmaid is who suggested it) so I don't really see what would be so distastful about it.
And, I'm sorry that we haven't made our advice clear enough, even after so many posts. Many of our posts about this subject are very similar to your situation--in fact, the very same.
Once you are married, you are. It really doesn't matter how a couple is married. It doesn't really matter the reasoning behind the ceremony. In my day, it was the Vietnam War and we didn't have two weddings even back then. There are no do-overs. It is understandable that some may believe that there are with so many silly television programs promoting poor behavior. But, we really should think for ourselves and consider what it polite and respectful behavior, especially when we are involving others in our plans.
Yours isn't a vow renewal if you are planning it as a wedding. Plus, it isn't a bench mark anniversary anyway. So, it will appear as a pretend wedding. And, of course, no one would tell you that your plans aren't logical or polite; that would be rude. Those types of statements are usually reserved for behind others backs accompanied by smirk--not something I'd want for anyone.
I don't know what you expect or want from us if you are planning to host an event you know isn't proper, logical, polite, or appropriate after reading our posts. So, there really isn't anything I can advise you on, as all of our opinions and advice are based on mainstream etiquette principles. As verification, Miss Manners has even ranted on about this topic a number of times. You really didn't ask a question anyway.
There are plenty of chat rooms where others, like your friend, will tell you that your event will be great. And, it just may appear to be so.
Wedding after Eloping
