Why can't I have a wedding if I am already married?
Hi everyone,
I am really desperate here for some advice, i live in Tunisia with my tunisian fiance and for legal and other complicated reasons we are thinking about getting married here although i have always wanted to return to my home in UK to marry as i am the only girl in the family, but due to problems arising this is not looking possible.
But we will not be actually having what you would call a wedding we are literally going to sign a marriage contract here! hardly romantic and what i have always dreamed of i know! but it will mean we are married even though there will be no celebration nothing, not even vows etc.
So i want to then go back to UK at some point and renew my vows there, but i want to have that dream wedding that i owe to myself and my parents, now i have read that this should not be a second wedding but what about if i never had a real wedding in the beginning!
Etiquette is fine and i respect that but i want to have the experience of a wedding at some point in my life and the only way i can do it is by having a renewal and yet im not allowed to be walked down the aisle, have presents, etc even though i never had it first time round,
So can i break the rules of etiquette to fulfil my dreams that i never had, having my father walk me down the isle the traditional way, my bridesmaids who i originally promised for the wedding oops, gifts etc??? i know i am not supposed to re-enact the first wedding, but how can i when i never had it albeit i am married by the contract, Aaah sorry so long but im so frustrated and just want my dream wedding, but from so many different opinions and etiquette it seems like i will never have what i dreamt of, ok so i will be married and that is all that matters but i want something to look back on and smile at not going to a muncipality to sign a bit of paper hardly a wedding.
Sorry please help me x
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jun 2, 2007, 4:29 PM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 2, 2007, 4:27 PM
Post #2 of 5
(1190 views)
Re: [kellm] Please help me im a newbie ;)
[In reply to]
Why can't you have the wedding in Tunisia? Once you're married, you're married, even if you don't say the vows. I would wait and do it the way you want or have everyone visit you there. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
kellm
Jun 2, 2007, 4:36 PM
Post #3 of 5
(1186 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Please help me im a newbie ;)
[In reply to]
Hi thanks for your reply,
My fiance is tunisian and weve been in tunisia for a year but he has no visa to go to england and so at the moment things are not looking possible, the embassy have just increased the embassy prices to apply as well as making it 100 times harder for anyone to get a visa. Secondly there are a few problems happening in tunisia at the moment and with their muslim religion we are already going against everything by not being married and living together although we have for over a year now, due to the problems surrounding tunisia iraq, morrocco, they are starting to cart people of for the military and unfortunately we have no chidren, no marriage to help us.
I can have a wedding here in tunisia but my parents are against it and they will not attend here for any wedding although they love my fiance and they visit here regularly they are against me marrying in tunisia, its a very long complicated history and ive tried many ways to figure out what will be best, i live and work in tunisia and the wages are very low so we have to consider this also.
although in a dream world i would love to fly over to UK and get married the way i wish unfortunately its not that easy and so the only way i can see round it is a renewal of vows but going against the etiquette to give my parents and myself what i have dreamed off. its a catch 22 situation and it seems nothing is working out how i planned.
Thanks again for your reply x
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 2, 2007, 8:01 PM
Post #4 of 5
(1173 views)
Re: [kellm] Why can't I have a wedding if I am already married?
[In reply to]
Dear Kellm,
I can only advise in consideration of the etiquette we use here in the US. But, even if you had a vow renewal, as we know it, it could be very special. You can include custom elements not used in traditional weddings and even create your own ceremony. It just wouldn't appear to be a wedding. It would be something you applied your personal touches to. Those who wanted to give you wedding gifts still could. I often give to those even if I wasn't invited to their wedding ceremony.
Now, having said that... there are some countries that signing a piece of paper first and having a wedding second is the norm. Maybe Tunisa is one of those countries. The UK, as far as my research has shown, is not.
It is your choice to follow what is considered proper. It may not be something you wish to do, which is your choice and there are no etiquette police to enforce it. So, do what you feel is right.
I hope the best for you two. Keep safe. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 2, 2007, 8:02 PM
Post #5 of 5
(1173 views)
Re: [kellm] Please help me im a newbie ;)
[In reply to]
It does seem like you have some choices to make. So, if you choose to be married now then you can have a renewal when the time comes. This can be a wonderful ceremony and celebration but it is not a wedding.
Good luck with whatever choices you make. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Why can't I have a wedding if I am already married?
