My husband and i were married almost 10 years ago. We have had a few troubled years and have made it through them and now would love to have the wedding we never had the first time. We want all of our friends and family there and have a minister renew our vows for us. I want the dress the reception, everything. I want it all. But everywhere i have looked on here has said it is bad etiquette, why is that? Why can't a couple who just had a quick Justice of the Peace marriage have the whole wedding experience? I want a blessing of our vows but i want a dress, something i didnt have in the first place. I want all the things that go with weddings. My family all think it is great and would love to see us renew our love for eachother with everyone present. Are you just quoting what upper class people expect? Our three children are going to be present and everyone knows that we are married and just renewing our vows. We are stating that it is a renewal of vows in the invitations. So what is so wrong with having a dress, flowers, attendants, reception?
(This post was
edited by brakm597 on Apr 1, 2007, 1:16 PM)
TWQadmin
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Apr 1, 2007, 1:48 PM
Post #2 of 3
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Re: [brakm597] Why can't i have a fancy renewal of vows?
[In reply to]
Congratulations on getting through your troubles.
There is nothing wrong with celebrating your love with a vow renewal or a blessing of your marriage in church.
No one is saying you cannot have a beautiful dress, cake and flowers. However, a vow renewal is not a wedding and should not appear to be a wedding for many reasons. First and foremost, the renewal ceremony is not considered a gift giving event, but a wedding is, so you'll want to be perceived positively by your guests. We do get a lot of questions from guests who are confused by the renewal that appeared to be a wedding. And, there are many aspects of the wedding that just wouldn't seem right for a couple who has already lived as husband and wife for 10 years such as a formal bridal gown with veil, father 'giving the bride away, first dance as husband and wife, bachelorette parties, removal of the garter, etc.
This is not some random rule made up by the rich. I know many middle class folks (I am one of them) who want to be well mannered and be thought of that way by friends and family. Your idea that it is just what the upper class expect wouldn't make sense and etiquette is all about making sense and regarding the feelings of others. You can get the newest copy of Peggy Post's book on etiquette which came out in 2006 and read up if you like. If you just consider your guests and how they may perceive you then you'll be fine. Try putting yourself in the place of the guest. However, if you don't care what others think then etiquette probably isn't for you. (and, please, don't read any tone into this, it's a basic statement). Do whatever makes you happy. But, you asked about etiquette, so I'm answering.
Please read another post about renewing vows here. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Apr 1, 2007, 2:09 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Apr 2, 2007, 11:11 AM
Post #3 of 3
(974 views)
Re: [brakm597] Why can't i have a fancy renewal of vows?
[In reply to]
Very well said, so there isn't much I can chime in with. But, I would like to agree and emphasize that these 'rules' are not for snooty rich people, for which I am definitely not one. I think all of us want to feel as if we are doing the 'right thing' and to be viewed as socially savvy. If you didn't, you wouldn't have discussed this with your family.
Knowing what is considered proper behavior in all situations makes us feel comfortable. We know that others will take us seriously. This is the gift we receive when we know proper etiquette. Plus, it is all logical.
Congratulations on your 10 years! Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Why can't i have a fancy renewal of vows?
Congratulations on getting through your troubles. 
