My husband is in the Army, We were married in the courts, short fast, and no one from our families attended. We are talking about Renewing our vows on our 5 year wedding anniversary.
Would it be incrediably unkosher if we planned it like a wedding concidering we never had that?
I dont want to offend some of our family members who are very proper. But the little girl inside of me really wants the wedding dress, flowers and the joy of walking down the isle.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Im so lost on what to do. and want to make sure Im doing the right thing before I go all out.
Thank you.... Desperate for help
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jun 5, 2006, 2:04 PM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Post #2 of 8
(2023 views)
Re: [Armywife23] desperate for help on R.O.V.
[In reply to]
Dear Armywife:
Since you are already married I'm afraid having a wedding at this time would not be viewed positively. Your idea of renewing wedding vows is a great idea but must be planned carefully so as not to look like you are hosting a gift giving event for yourself.
PS. Please do not post personally identifying information on the forum such as photographs of yourself. Thanks! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jun 3, 2006, 4:13 PM)
Armywife23
Post #3 of 8
(1998 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] desperate for help on R.O.V.
[In reply to]
Not as to sound argumentative, but where do you get your "etiquette" information from?
I have spoken to many wedding planners who agree that because I have never recieved my "dream" wedding. I could do what I wanted. I posted this to see if maybe you had compassion for military wives who had no choice, but to rid their dream of a big wedding and marry in the courts.
Thank you for your advice but I will be planning this my way. With WEDDING DRESS and all.
**Oh P.S. if you dont want people to post their pictures in your "forum" dont give them the option to add a picture.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #4 of 8
(1993 views)
Re: [Armywife23] desperate for help on R.O.V.
[In reply to]
Etiquette is socially accepted behavior. This is different from the advice you will receive from some planners, because weddings are big money. If you want to spend the money for a wedding, even if though are a wife, then there are many out there just waiting to collect it. It is all good for them.
Our etiquette advice comes from books and real etiquette experts, not from someone who doesn't have compassion for military wives--yes, you are a wife and not a bride. If you don't trust us or our advice, read for yourself. There are many etiquette books. Do your homework.
In my day, it was the Vietnam war. We had the same decisions to make you have today. Once the decision is made to marry, you are married. It is a decision. No one made you say the words or sign the paper.
So, go ahead and plan your event as you see fit, but please don't ask if it will be viewed as proper or positively because more than likely it won't. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Post #5 of 8
(1996 views)
Re: [Armywife23] desperate for help on R.O.V.
[In reply to]
Army wife:
The reason I asked you not to post personally identifying information on the forum is because many times brides decide later that they would rather be anonymous. I'm sorry if you took offense. None was intended. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
expertplanner
BRIDAL CONSULTANT
Post #6 of 8
(1988 views)
Re: [Armywife23] desperate for help on R.O.V.
[In reply to]
Dear Army Wife:
We take our etiquette cues from the most well respected and renown bridal, wedding and etiquette experts in the business. As a professional wedding planner, I would have never told you that you could 'do whatever you want'. One, because you are already married and that does change the way you plan, whether liked or not, and two, no Bride is ever getting married alone. What I mean by that is that it takes a lot of people to pull together a wedding and they have to be factored into the overall equation.
I would have helped you to realize your dream wedding while providing proper etiquette and guidance along the way. There are plenty of 'so-called' wedding planners who will say things contrary to published and widely available wedding etiquette books in order to book a wedding. I am not one of those individuals.
I don't see this issue as being about whether we are compassionate or uncompassionate to military spouses. This is about answering a wedding etiquette question as it relates to your situation. It appears you have taken issue with what was said and are offended. That was not intended. Nonetheless, the wedding etiquette in this instance is still the same and we have to state the etiquette as it is. You are not getting 'married'. You are already married. What you would be doing is 'renewing your vows'.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Post #7 of 8
(1984 views)
Re: [Armywife23] desperate for help on R.O.V.
[In reply to]
In Reply To
Would it be incrediably unkosher if we planned it like a wedding concidering we never had that?
I dont want to offend some of our family members who are very proper. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Im so lost on what to do. and want to make sure Im doing the right thing before I go all out.
With the above quote from your first post in mind I believe you were given the proper answer. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Nancy Tucker
PRESIDENT - WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL
Post #8 of 8
(1980 views)
Re: [Armywife23] desperate for help on R.O.V.
[In reply to]
Dear Armywife23,
I totally agree with the other experts who have protested the fact that we are not compassionate to the military bride. Quite the contrary, the military has it's own protocol as does a wedding. We answered your question according to our etiquette expertise and you don't like the answer, so your solution is to do it your way.
I am sorry that you were told by other planners that it was accepable. Unfortunately for the professional planners out there, there are just as many who are hobbiests and have never taken any form of training as to what is right and accepted.
desperate for help on renewing wedding vows
