I am a bride-to be, but this question is about a friend. She and her now-husband decided to get married quickly due to the fact that he was being deployed overseas with the Marines. Even though they organized the wedding within a few months, they were able to invite their families, closest friends, have attendants, a beautiful wedding gown, and a small reception. They are now planning to do a vow renewal a year after his return, at which point they will have been married about three years. She claims this is so they can invite the people who were not invited to the actual wedding, due to the short notice. My friend is planning a bridal shower, registering for gifts and plans on having an elaborate ceremony and reception. She is inviting new attendants to be a part of this and is getting a new dress. It is getting out of hand and I know that all of this is terribly inappropriate, but how do I tell her?
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edited by TWQadmin on Oct 3, 2008, 7:31 PM)
You are correct that this is not proper, is out of hand, and seems a bit greedy, as well as childlike. She wants the gifts she didn't get in the first round. And, she wants to play bride again. In a way it would be great to be able to be a tad harsh and blunt and say something like, "You know most people realize they can't have it all and shouldn't take advantage of others by the eighth grade." But, that wouldn't be nice and you would probably lose her as a friend.
Perhaps you could inform her that because you are a bride-to-be you have been reading etiquette books and have found that what she is planning is not proper, polite, and is viewed as rather silly, because she is already married--not a bride and this isn't a wedding.
Just one of the articles I have written about this touchy subject is here http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html It is also covered in most etiquette books, but is usually just referred to as a anniversary event. Even with this reference we can glean that this is clearly not a wedding and should be hosted on a bench mark anniversary.
This is usually a very small family event (few friends) with an anniversary party following.
Thanks for the advice! I think that your suggestion may be the best way to go about this, although I have a feeling that even if I bring this up nicely she will get upset. I have taken a similar approach before, saying, "I read that people don't typically have attendants during a vow renewal, did you know that?" Her response was, basically, "I don't care." Perhaps if I bring it up again it will have an effect.
extreme vow renewal
