We have been planning our 2nd wedding for almost a year. We discussed many options with several family members. With many relative spread across the US, in aging health, and a limited budget, my fiance and I opted to have a private destinations vow exchange with our parents giving us a reception/party in their individual states. Everyone was okay until the invitations were ordered. We carefully chose the wording to read future tense for "thoughts and prayers" in regards our vows and then a plan to add a hand written note inside the individual announcements depending on where people lived as far as the parties went. We asked the parents to attend both locations so that the parents could meet everyone. My mother-in-law's party is set for this fall, as to not interferr with my mothers plans. BUT my mother, is now mad that I am sending invitations in an inappropriate manner (past tense, after the wedding delivery is appropriate) and has pulled out of her desire to have a reception. Truly she is mad about the actual wedding location not the party. Now I am left six weeks before the wedding wondering what to do with the carefully worded invitation/announcements.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on May 5, 2005, 4:58 PM)
You wouldn't send a wedding invitation to the ceremony to your guests. You would print two different reception invitations, sending the appropriate invitation to each guests depending on where they live. The invitation wording would depend on who is hosting each reception. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
We wanted to announce our wedding, but not wait till after the fact to tell our family and friends. The spirit is to have their thoughts and prayers with us that day. The party invitations will be sent out separately, so the hand written note in the announcement was to let people know there was a plan for a party, so that they didn't feel left out.
If you are asking for etiquette advice then I have to advise you to wait until after the wedding to send out the announcements. You cannot announce something that hasn't happened yet. I think this might be why your mom is getting frustrated.
What you could do is to send the reception invitations (about 6 to 8 weeks before the reception) which would read something like this:
The pleasure of your company
is requested at the
wedding reception of
Shannon Lynn Stone
and
Mr. James Howard Maurice
Friday, the third of June at one o'clock
Location
Then send wedding announcements to anyone you're not going to invite to the reception after you return home from the destination wedding. You can let everyone at the reception know how you were married and where...you can even videotape the ceremony and have a big screen tv to play the tape for your guests.
Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on May 5, 2005, 4:54 PM)
Thank you for your advice. Yes, I guess that is why my mother is so angry.
I still don't understand why one can't make an announcement about the wedding before that date, especially if it is carefully worded as to join in thought and prayer on that day. I hate being left out of things or finding out about things after the fact. A sensitive point in our family! So I just wanted everyone, who has been waiting since I announce our engagement last year, what are plan are. The hand written note about the receptions was to be a "keep the date" open type info message. Unfortunately, the announcement are already printed (in future tense) and I can't change that without a new order $$. So I guess I have a tough decision to make.
The Wedding Queen is exactly correct about all of this and I'm sorry that you have paid for announcements that are inappropriate. But, to announce something that hasn't happened yet, isn't correct.
Honestly, you don't have to have pre-printed announcements. These could be handwritten notes that you mail out to those who will not be invited to your receptions. So, there shouldn't be too many to write.
You may also tell everyone about your plans. Just because they aren't invited doesn't mean that you can't call and tell everyone you love what is to happen. After all, as you state, communication is a problem in your family.
Hey, I think it is a problem in most of our families :) Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Okay, thank you. I will send them out so that people get them after the wedding. That will please my mom. At this point there is no reception for my family. So the announcement can still go out to everyone, right?
I am afraid if I don't send out "printed" cards everyone will think it very cheap and informal of me. I have already talk to most everyone so they know my wedding is in June, they just don't know the details. They know it is Jamaica. I just wanted something more formal than a simple hand written note. I really didn't think this was such a big deal when I ordered them. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!
Handwritten is not cheap, it is personal. You don't have to send announcements to those with whom you speak to often. You would just tell them. These just go out to those who wouldn't know about the wedding.
Thank you again, but I don't think my mother nor grandmothers know about the little ettiquett rule, which says if you call them that is good enough. I have learned that from college graduations.
I met with most of my mom's family at Easter and my dad's family I will see for Memorial Day, so all of them are informed recently, in person. I can imagine what grumblings, I would hear through my mother, if I didn't send something eventhough I have travelled several states to meet with them and share the good news.
I'm confused...won't you be sending these people a reception invitation? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
I don't know what will be happening with the receptions.
At this point, there is no reception. The one in the state with my mothers family will likely not happen because of my mother being upset. I called my brother and he doesn't want to get in the middle. I completely understand that and it is too far away from me to plan without my mother's help. Not to mention she doesn't want to be contacted about it, which makes it almost impossible to hold for my side of the family.
The announcements were to include information about the receptions, but not be part of them because of scheduling issues. A simple informal invitation to the individual parties were going to separate. They would not be formal invitations because the parties may be part of another family gathering/holiday. (My fiance's family is having a 25th anniversary for his parents and our wedding all in one.)
Nothing is simple when everyone lives states away from each other and only see each other once a year if we're lucky.
Since you are uncertain about when or IF you are even having these receptions I would go back to my original suggestion which was to have wedding announcements printed and sent right aftyer you are married. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
2nd wedding announcements
