I am about to marry my best friend in May !! This is my second marriage (technically), but my fiance's first. I have two teenage daughters who are standing up for me, so I don't have a "Maid of Honor" per say. My fiance and I are very excited and I've never been happier. 17+ years ago, I did not register, did not have a bridal shower and did not have a traditional wedding (however, 20+ years ago I did have all that; however, for very valid reasons - it was annulled after 6 months).
Since I don't have a "Maid of Honor" or "Bridesmaids" - - I called upon my two sisters to take on the task with the inclusion of my daughters and I was even willing to kick in the $$ for it. My one sister insists that this is inappropriate for the following reasons: because this isn't my first wedding; because 20+ years ago I had a Bridal Shower; we have everything WE WANT; and best of all -- because of our age….she insists that I would embarrass myself by doing this and thus has basically declined my request to assist.
What is proper etiquette these days? If it is inappropriate, I most definitely won't do it. The last thing I want to do is offend anyone (especially my fiance's family).
Another friend suggested recruiting someone from his side of the family and do it just for his family and friends and perhaps invite some of my friends. If they choose not to come because they feel it is inappropriate then so be it....but, now more importantly, I don't think it's proper for me to "recruit" someone to do this for us...his mother and father are down south until just before the wedding and well into their 80's I might add. I think it would be too much for her anyway.
Desperate in Michigan....your assistance is appreciated !!
/Sharon
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 25, 2006, 9:03 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 16, 2006, 3:54 PM
Post #2 of 4
(1602 views)
Re: [HarvsPrincess] Bridal Shower (Do? or Don't?)
[In reply to]
Dear Sharon,
Your sister had a very good reason to be a bit squeamish. She isn't correct about encore brides not having showers, older brides not having bridal showers, and those who have had one before shouldn't have one. But, she must have just been feeling that it isn't right and she is correct there.
It is very improper for you to ask anyone, recruit anyone, or fund the party; you cannot host. Asking others to host this puts them in an awkward position. If they wanted to, they would offer. Plus, family members should not host. It appears self serving--family tries to garner more gifts for family.
Your daughters could host only because they are attendants. But, do know that not all bridesmaids host bridal showers. This is an optional party that some just do not want to host or cannot afford to do so. So, even if you had 'grown up' bridesmaids wouldn't ensure that you would have a bridal shower.
It would be best if a friend offered to host for you. But, again, this is something that should be offered. You shouldn't ask.
If anyone from your previous shower is invited to one for you now, they are not expected to give you a gift.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Bridal Shower (Do? or Don't?)
[In reply to]
Does the fact that the shower took place over 20 years ago mean anything?
My other sister has indicated that perhaps an informal "party" or such be more proper...which would be fine with me and I would tend to agree on - - my goal was to include them in the celebration. However, I don't foresee this happening either since finances are their concern (and not mine as I would gladly assist them if asked). I suppose we will focus on the events of the big day as opposed to worrying about the pre-wedding stuff.
Thanks for the info and insight.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 16, 2006, 4:12 PM
Post #4 of 4
(1594 views)
Re: [HarvsPrincess] Bridal Shower (Do? or Don't?)
[In reply to]
It wouldn't matter when the shower took place. If someone gave you a shower gift before, they do not have to give you one this time.
A party hosted by your sister is fine, as long as it is not a gift giving situation. But, again, a friend can host a shower for you.
If you want to include those close to you in your excitement, then you could just invite them to a luncheon to celebrate. Or, you could have an old fashion 'sleep-over' where you watch old movies and eat popcorn. A shower isn't the only way we can spend time with those we care about. If we take gift giving out of the equation, there are many appropriate events we can host.
Focusing on the important day is best. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
(This post was
edited by Et.byRebecca on Jan 16, 2006, 4:17 PM)
Bridal Shower for a Second Marriage
This is my second marriage (technically), but my fiance's first. I have two teenage daughters who are standing up for me, so I don't have a "Maid of Honor" per say. My fiance and I are very excited and I've never been happier. 17+ years ago, I did not register, did not have a bridal shower and did not have a traditional wedding (however, 20+ years ago I did have all that; however, for very valid reasons - it was annulled after 6 months). 
