We are decided to get married and got officially engaged (even though we have been together for almost four years and lived together for two). I would rather get married on a week day with a few people at the City Hall and take off on a plane to our honeymoon than spending money on a reception. it would be complicated and expensive...too many people to invite with not enough room at City Hall (only about 30 people fit in the chambers)...I really don't want a dinner party, speeches, a gown or anything like this. I would be very happy if I could get married in my jeans! Now the problem is that he says he is sentimental and would like to have his whole family present...I don't have a family here and only a few good friends... The only idea of a crowd is turning me off...to the point that I don't know if I want to get married anymore...I was just fine...believe me...
Thank you.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Aug 15, 2005, 2:44 PM
Post #2 of 4
(2051 views)
Re: [GabrielaD] Second Marriage without the big fuss.
[In reply to]
Sounds as though you and your future husband need to do some talking and come to a compromise.
If a disagreemnt like the one you describe is enough to make you question whather or not you even want to marry this man then I'd say you have a lot to talk about.
Since you've been married before please take some time and be sure that this is the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life; the one you can talk to, compromise with and with whom you can share all of life's ups and downs. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Deacon Bob
INDEPENDANT CATHOLIC DEACON
Aug 15, 2005, 3:38 PM
Post #3 of 4
(2046 views)
Re: [GabrielaD] Second Marriage without the big fuss.
[In reply to]
I agree with the Queen. If something like this has you rethinking if you want to get married there are more serious problems with the relationship than just how large the wedding is going to be. There are going to be a lot more complicated issues that you will need to work out over the years and if the reaction when something is not going your way is to throw in the towel then maybe the time to do the throwing is now. Bob Deacon Bob Tousey
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Aug 16, 2005, 1:25 PM
Post #4 of 4
(2019 views)
Re: [GabrielaD] Second Marriage without the big fuss.
[In reply to]
I'd have to agree with the first two responses. There will be many other issues after marriage that will pose even greater challenges to the two of you. How you negotiate this could be an indicator of how you will be able to handle subsequent situations.
However, the bigger and even more important question here is: do you even want to get married? I don't ask that because of your lack of interest in all the hoopla surrounding marriage. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and interests and you are certainly entitled to your opinion on big weddings. I ask that because of the comment you made at the end which went something like this: I don't even know if I want to get married and I was fine before, believe me. If there's a chance that you are not ready for this marriage, and all the pomp and circumstance surrounding the preparations is really putting you off, then it could be that a part of you is not ready for this commitment, and there's nothing like a large event in front of hundreds of people to make something seem even more serious and permanent, and even scary (if you're not ready). You said you were fine before, believe me; ask yourself seriously what does that mean? Be honest. You owe it to yourself to do some soul searching here. This may not be as much about flowers, and speeches and guests as it is about your decision. Take the time to consider what you really want and if it is to marry this person, then you will need to negotiate and compromise around the wedding stuff as this is what partnerships are all about. Good luck! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
Second Marriage without the big fuss.
