I just got engaged 2 days ago, this will be my new fiance's 2nd marriage. My family is Catholic and has never had a divorce-ever. My parents absolutely adore my fiance and couldn't be more happy that we're getting married, I don't want them to think less of him after they find out. I just want to be honest with them and feel now if the time to tell them. Any advice on the best way to break the news?
Thanks in advance for any help,
A very stressed out bride-to-be
TWQadmin
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Sep 28, 2004, 5:34 PM
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Re: [texas_bride] Telling my parents he's been married before!
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It may sound cliche but honesty is the best policy so tell your parents and be quick about it. You wouldn't want them to hear from someone else. Before you tell them discuss with your fiance how you are going to handle the wedding ceremony since, if he is divorced and does not have an annulment, he cannot get married again in the Catholic church. I am sure your parents are going to ask about this so do your homework and be prepared.
Good luck. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
texas_bride
Sep 28, 2004, 5:53 PM
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Re: [TWQadmin] Telling my parents he's been married before!
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Thank you, you're right. I just wrote them a letter telling them everything. I wanted to do that, so I would get a chance to say everything I wanted to say without being cutoff and losing sight of what I wanted to get across to them. What do you think about a letter?
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Sep 28, 2004, 6:06 PM
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Re: [texas_bride] Telling my parents he's been married before!
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You know your parents best and if you feel you would not be able to complete your thoughts in a direct conversation with them then a letter is a good idea but hand deliver it (if possible) and after they have read it then you can all discuss. Communication is key here.
It sounds like your parents love you and are liking your fiance so hopefully they will understand and accept him and your marriage. It may be a bit of a disappointment for your parents if you are not getting married in the church so be prepared for them to express those feelings. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
texas_bride
Sep 28, 2004, 6:17 PM
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Re: [TWQadmin] Telling my parents he's been married before!
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We are definitely getting married in the Church, just not as soon as they would like. His annulment will take anywhere from a year to a year and a half and he is taking classes to become Catholic that will end in May 2005. I live out of state from them, I will be going home in a few weeks, so I will hand deliver then.
I know my parents love him, I guess the unknown of exactly how they will react is what is killing me. I don't want this to hurt his image in their eyes. Thanks so much for being there for me to vent to...it's hard not to be able to talk to anyone about this! I appreciate you being there.
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Sep 29, 2004, 6:09 AM
Post #6 of 14
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Re: [texas_bride] Telling my parents he's been married before!
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Is there any reason you cannot wait for his annulment to come through? There is something to be said for long engagements. If the grounds for annulment are uncontested and simple you may find that the process moves along much quicker. You should probably make a call on that.
The fear of the unknown is natural, but don't let it eat you up. Please come back and let us know how it all works out for you. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
texas_bride
Sep 29, 2004, 10:28 AM
Post #7 of 14
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Re: [TWQadmin] Telling my parents he's been married before!
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See, we are going to wait for his annulment, and my mom can't understand why we want to wait so long to get married. We will be engaged for almost as long as we've been together!
Of course, I would like to get married sooner, but I think you're right about the long engagement thing. We're not in any rush, we're still young! I will definitely come back after I tell my parents to let you know how it all goes!
Thanks again for your advice, I appreciate you being there!
-Texas Bride
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Sep 29, 2004, 11:30 AM
Post #8 of 14
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Re: [texas_bride] Telling my parents he's been married before!
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If you love each other today...then you'll love each other even more in a year so waiting is not such a bad idea. If he were shipping off to war or something then I might suggest that waiting isn't an option but if you CAN wait then you'll be able to get married in the church and make everyone happy! Please let your parents know that if this is what you decide to do.
PS...I am getting married again (I am widowed and he is divorced) and we are waiting for his annulment so if two old birds like us can wait then....lol!
Good luck with your parents. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
mrscordell2b
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Oct 18, 2004, 3:56 PM
Post #9 of 14
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Re: [texas_bride] Telling my parents he's been married before!
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Hi. I just thought I'd mention. I have previously been told that a non-Catholic doesn't need an annulment to marry in the Catholic church. I was led to believe that if he wasn't married in the Catholic church, they don't count it as a "valid" marriage anyway.
Just something you might want to check on. I don't really see how you could get a Catholic annulment without having a Catholic wedding to begin with.
Good luck!
Stephanie
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Oct 18, 2004, 4:16 PM
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Re: [mrscordell2b] Telling my parents he's been married before!
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The Catholic church considers a Christian marriage to be a legitimate one in the eyes of the church and would therefore require the divorced party to get an annulment. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
truelove
BRIDE
Jan 9, 2005, 4:04 PM
Post #11 of 14
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Re: [texas_bride] Telling my parents he's been married before!
[In reply to]
What someone doesn't know won't hurt them.
Why do you even need to tell your parents that he was married before? Its both of your business, not your parents. Fellow Bride
texas_bride
Jan 9, 2005, 4:20 PM
Post #12 of 14
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Re: [truelove] Telling my parents he's been married before!
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My parents and I are extremely close and they we both are traditional Roman Catholics. So out of respect for them, I told them. They took it very well. They both realize and appreciate how much my fiance loves and takes care of me and both have said that they couldn't ask for a better son-in-law. So, I was stressing out for a whole year for nothing really. I guess I had to tell them when I was ready, and felt letting them get to know him was the best thing. I'm glad everything worked out like it did--now on to planning!! Thanks so much for all of your advice, I really appreciate it!
truelove
BRIDE
Jan 9, 2005, 4:28 PM
Post #13 of 14
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Re: [texas_bride] Telling my parents he's been married before!
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I'm glad things went so well for you. Fellow Bride
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Jan 9, 2005, 4:35 PM
Post #14 of 14
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Re: [texas_bride] Telling my parents he's been married before!
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You shouldn't keep this secret from your parents, it's a serious issue. There's a good chance they will find out later and then your parents will be hurt that you didn't tell them. It's always best to tell the truth to people you care about...unless the question is "Do I look fat in this dress"! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Telling my parents he's been married before!
If the grounds for annulment are uncontested and simple you may find that the process moves along much quicker. You should probably make a call on that. 
