I have been asked by my sister-in-law to host a shower with her for our mother-in-law. This will be my mother-in-law's second marriage (she was divorced over 20 years ago) and the second marriage for her fiancee (divorced less than 5 years ago). They are planning on having a small ceremony for family in less than 2 months and have not mentioned anything about attendants. They have purchased a house together and so my sister-in-law claims they need lots of things for their house.
I read previous posts that mention that it is inappropriate for family to throw a shower. Where I am stumped is how to respond to this request. I don't want to appear unkind especially if my objection makes its way to my mother-in-law but I do not feel it is appropriate for us to host the shower. In addition I don't believe it is necessary since they are not registering nor are they in need of much. They both have fully furnished houses that they are combining into one. Thoughts on how to respond? Or am I off-based and should agree to host the shower? Thanks for the advice.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #2 of 2
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Re: [jserd] Wedding shower for second wedding
[In reply to]
Dear Put on the Spot,
You have good instinct and thank you for reading. So many people just do and never think of how their actions may be perceived or may affect others. Thank you.
I suppose you could inform her that you have been reading that it is improper for you two to host this. You may want to mention this website. If her daughter was a bridesmaid, then it would be fine. But, we don't have that going for us here.
Plus, I couldn't agree with you more that a shower in this case may be viewed as not necessary. I feel that we really should consider if a shower is necessary these days before planning one. We women are in a much better position to build our own futures than ever before. Do we really need two wedding gifts from our guests? Some women benefit and need one, but with some it could appear less positive.
When we begin to host a bridal shower based on love and sharing the joy and not on the gifts then I believe these will be positive for all brides.
Wedding shower for second wedding
I have been asked by my sister-in-law to host a shower with her for our mother-in-law. This will be my mother-in-law's second marriage (she was divorced over 20 years ago) and the second marriage for her fiancee (divorced less than 5 years ago). They are planning on having a small ceremony for family in less than 2 months and have not mentioned anything about attendants. They have purchased a house together and so my sister-in-law claims they need lots of things for their house. 
