My ex-husband and I are both remarried. My daughter has written to me and told me that I have no role whatsoever in the arrangements or at the wedding itself where I am to sit at a table near to the top table. She has told me that her step mother and the groom's husband will be the only mothers with a role. What do you advise? I am devastated and despite every effort to make direct phone and face to face contact to discuss the matter she has refused to have anything to say other than it is her day.
Thank you
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on May 13, 2008, 1:07 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
May 13, 2008, 2:13 PM
Post #2 of 4
(580 views)
Re: [mary6030] attending daughter's second wedding or not
[In reply to]
Dear Mary,
It is difficult to know why your daughter isn't offering you a role. But, most encore weddings don't include mothers as much as first weddings. In any case, only you can make the decision to attend or not. However, as a mother myself, I would attend and not allow anything dissuade me from being happy for my child. It is easy to say than to do. But, it is worth it in the long run. Not attending may cause permanent damage.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on May 13, 2008, 2:39 PM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
May 13, 2008, 2:42 PM
Post #3 of 4
(574 views)
Re: [mary6030] attending daughter's second wedding or not
[In reply to]
I would go; setting a good example of how to be mature for my daughter. Plus, not attending or making waves just gives her and your ex ammunition against you and further reason to alienate you from the family. Go, hold your head high and show your daughter how much she means to you and how happy you are about her marriage. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
May 13, 2008, 3:15 PM
Post #4 of 4
(571 views)
Re: [mary6030] attending daughter's second wedding or not
[In reply to]
I would also echo the sentiment that going makes a positive statement and not going may incur a lot of negative repercussions down the road. As surpised or hurt as you are because your daughter is not choosing to involve you more in the wedding, and in fact, involving her stepmom and mother-in-law to be, in more sustantial ways, I am certain that you were probably aware that your relatinoship with her has not been what you would have liked for some time. In fact, what happened to your relationship has probably occured over a period of time. In order for any kind of healing to take place, you need to make the choice to stay in her life and demonstrate that you want the relationship. As difficult as it may be to attend under these circumstances, this is the kind of stuff we as parents are made of and it comes with the territory - doing what is right for our children and being there for them even when we'd rather not be. I know this will be hard and yet I know you can do it and you will be able to look back see this as an example of you keeping the door open to having a better relationships with your daughter in the future.
Best of luck. Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
attending daughter's second wedding or not
