I recently called my soon to be MIL and SIL to try to obtain a guest list for the shower/wedding.I was reminded it was his second wedding and neither were sure if I should be inviting anyone who attended or bought a gift for his first wedding, other than immediate family. What is the etiquette on who should/should not be invited from his family? I even told his mother she could spread the word we didn't want gifts, we just wanted family there, however, she still expressed they were not sure and had to get back to me. She has not. Help!!!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 12, 2007, 9:57 AM
Post #2 of 7
(1053 views)
Re: [jules13] my 1st/his 2nd shower/wedding
[In reply to]
Dear Jules,
They are correct that guests who gave the first time are not obligated to give another time. But, they could be invited, especially for a gift-less shower. So, anyone could be invited if they are close to either of you. The shower should be small and intimate though.
Hopefully you are not doing any of the planning, as this would be improper.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] my 1st/his 2nd shower/wedding
[In reply to]
I guess i'm confused. I thought if it was the brides first wedding she was able to do what any 1st bride would do. The shower that's being planned is not a small shower, I have a large group of family and friends, and no, I am not involved in the planning, I was merely asked to give a list of guests. It is not a gift-less shower, however, I was fully aware that his family are not obligated to give a gift, so I was attempting through word of mouth to express that I would just like them to be there, no gifts expected, since you are not allowed to write that anywhere. They were unsure if it was even acceptable to invite anyone. I would hate to have this whole function with only my family present. I'm still confused.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 12, 2007, 6:24 PM
Post #4 of 7
(1034 views)
Re: [jules13] my 1st/his 2nd shower/wedding
[In reply to]
You can mention gifts on a shower invitation. But, the issue I see you having here is that his family might feel uncomfortable attending an event where everyone else gives you gifts and they may feel complelled to give as well. If the entire event were giftless then this would not be an issue. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
jules13
Jun 12, 2007, 6:28 PM
Post #5 of 7
(1029 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] my 1st/his 2nd shower/wedding
[In reply to]
I completely understand. So:
a) should I just let my family do their thing and not invite his? Just invite them to the wedding?
b) Am I wrong about the first time bride thing, I really would hate to offend anybody?
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jun 12, 2007, 6:34 PM
Post #6 of 7
(1026 views)
Re: [jules13] my 1st/his 2nd shower/wedding
[In reply to]
Is there any chance your groom could discreetly find out of they expect to be invited? Once you get a little feedback you may have a better udea of what to do. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 12, 2007, 6:39 PM
Post #7 of 7
(1024 views)
Re: [jules13] my 1st/his 2nd shower/wedding
[In reply to]
You could definitely have a 'family' shower and not invite his. But, his mother would usually be invited to these anyway.
This shouldn't be a large shower. Showers should be a small, intimate affair or they could appear as a greed fest. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
my 1st/his 2nd shower/wedding
