My mother, "June", is getting remarried after being widowed for 5 years. "Scott" is a nice, god-fearing fellow. Very happy for them both. My problem is this: as her daughter, I have also remarried and have one son of my own and two step-children that do not live with us. They DO live in the same town and I am very close to them. June is having her wedding out of town (about 5 hrs from here) and has already made it pretty clear that only 3 of us are invited (not my two step-children). I feel that if it is HIS weekend with HIS children, he would want to bring them with us. If it is NOT his weekend, he would come alone with me and my son. I don't think Scott would object to all the children coming, but my mother will. I would like the option of having them with us. She has never shown any affection to his children, nor shows any interest in their lives. It is an ongoing, upsetting thing for me, but I am not going to force a relationship between them. I would just like to know that IF we have his children with us that weekend of her very SMALL wedding, that we would be able to bring his two children with us. Is that asking too much? Am I being presumptuous? I love my mother very much, but June can be very hard to deal with. I know this is June's day, don't want to ruin it, but I'd like to know that my whole family would be invited, even if they couldn't necessarily come. My son (9) is going, so 2 more well-behaved children (10 and 7) shouldn't be a big deal, I think. She is paying for our room for three, but I can pay for my own if that is what she is worried about. Get 2 rooms myself if they come with us. Any suggestions? (June almost ruined my wedding 3 years ago with her depression and jealousy and I feel ike she owes me one!)
TWQadmin
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Jul 27, 2004, 11:11 AM
Post #2 of 3
(1911 views)
Re: [bubearjrs] step-grandchildren not invited
[In reply to]
Sounds like a "heart-to-heart" discussion is in order. Please try to speak to your mom in a calm way, letting her know that although you are feeling like you wouldn't want to miss her wedding, you may not be able to attend since you have your step children that weekend and that cannot be changed (unless you CAN change your weekend and WOULD consider changing it to aleviate any confrontation. Consider this option since I am sure that missing a wedding would be fine for these little people). If you are open with your mom, showing and telling her why you feel the way you do and exactly what you are willing to do (paying for the extra kids, etc) then maybe she will agree to allowing your stepchildren to attend. Perhaps she is limited in space and seating; maybe she doesn't even know how you feel, but you will not know unless you speak to her. If having your stepchildren there is really that important to you then you absolutely must talk it over with mom. Please do not just bring them along. This will surely cause a problem and since their names were not mentioned specifically on the invitation they would be uninvited guests.
Good luck! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
bubearjrs
Jul 27, 2004, 11:51 AM
Post #3 of 3
(1910 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] step-grandchildren not invited
[In reply to]
Thank you for the heart-felt advice. The invitations haven't gone out yet, nor has the actual locale been chosenyet - but I feel the need to talk to her before they do. We work together and we are close. She just has a "thing" about his kids. Hopefully, this won't be a big deal. I would never just drag them along. They could stay home with my husband and my son and I could go alone. I hate to do that, as they are so big a part of me. But, you are right. I'll have a sit down with her closer to the time... make it clear how I feel. I hate to miss her wedding, but let's hope she wont force me to do that.
step-grandchildren not invited
