I read the "bride's first/groom's second post." My fiance and I are planning our wedding. I am 26, he is 42. He has been married twice before (second was a rebound mistake). I want to have a large, formal wedding. Also, I don't know anything about his first two weddings, and don't really want to know, but I'd like to know that I'm not duplicating anything, as we will be inviting some of his friends who were probably at one or both of the previous two. Any thoughts?
Also, his daughter from his first marriage is very close to her mom and has indicated that she would like her mother to attend. I find this completely unacceptable. How can I make this clear to her and let her know her mother is NOT allowed to attend before she extends an official invitation? This is the only wedding I plan to have, and I can't think of many things worse than having my groom's ex there.
Communication is the key here. Talk to your groom. Ask him what (and whom) he would like to be included in the remarriage ceremony. Talk about the reason(s) you do not want his exwife to attend. If you can compromise here you may just make a connection to your future step daughters affection so consider your choices carefully. Depending on the age of the daughter she has the ability to make or break your day to day relationship and life. If having the ex really makes you uncomfortable then discuss it with your groom and be sure that HE is the one to handle telling his daughter, not you. It is very important that the daughter and the father communicate and that the father tells his daughter why HE cannot invite her mom. This way, you are not the evil stepmother.
You will find more second wedding information information on www.gettingremarried.com Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
tlm
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Re: [TWQadmin] young bride / older groom
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Good point. Thanks for the advice. The daughter is 15, and although we have a solid friendship, she does not seem to be clued in to any feelings other than her own. So I will leave it up to him to avoid, like you said, the "wicked stepmother" syndrome.
Also, I want to do all the traditional things: engagement announcement in the paper (we just got engaged and haven't surpassed the timeframe), wedding announcement and picture in the paper, and a large, formal wedding and reception. Is this improper as it will be his third?
Fifteen year old girls are naturally self centered ...don't take it personally. Since you have mentioned that she actually LIKES you then having her dad tell her that it could be upsetting for you (and for him) to have her mom attending their wedding may just sink in with her. Girls of this age are usually beging to have relationships with the oppoiste sex and hopefully she will be sensitive to your feelings. But, you never know with teens. Congrats on the good relationship you have started with her.
You can have all of the trimmings since you are a first time bride as long as your hubby to be is agreeable. Again, communication is key! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jun 22, 2004, 10:44 AM)
Girl, go for it ALL! It is not your fault that he was married twice before. All that matters is that this is YOUR FIRST marriage. Make it the way YOU want or you will forever have regrets.
I am also 26 and my fiance is also 42. lol I was married before (for almost 5 years) and he was married for 17. They had the big Catholic wedding, so I wanted no part of that. We're getting married in Jamaica with about 10-15 other people.
Oh and DO NOT let the stupid B ex come - NO WAY, she has NO BUSINESS BEING THERE. Absolutely DO NOT let your guard down about that.
Email me if you'd like to chat about anything else.
young bride / older groom
