For the wedding I am in in June, the bride has selected a dress that does not come in any size larger than 12. I wear a 16 or 18, so it will not be "alter-able" to fit.
The bride's solution is for me to a) buy two dresses so there's enough fabric for some major alterations or b) buy a completely different dress and not match the other girls.
I don't want to pay for two dresses and major alterations (and we haven't even ordered them yet for a wedding in 4 months -- I'm not sure there's time for a major overhaul), and I'm sort of outraged that this was even suggested. And I don't want to look like the "fat girl" in the dress that doesn't match anyone else's.
What is ettiqutte in this situation? Am I obligated to either purchase two dresses or be mis-matched? Or is she obligated to find something that works for all different shapes and sizes.
I have suggested that we all get different styles in the same fabric/color, but she didn't seem to keen on the idea. (So why she's OK with me being the only one different, I don't know.)
I have to admit, my feelings are pretty hurt... I sort of want to just back out of the whole thing.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jan 28, 2008, 9:45 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 28, 2008, 12:07 PM
Post #2 of 3
(531 views)
Re: [lightningbug] Bridesmaid Dress Doesn't Come in Plus Size
[In reply to]
Dear Lightningbug,
It is always a great idea to choose bridesmaids' dresses in a style that should suit everyone, it isn't always a possibility. She did give you an option, one of which is to wear something different. That was very generous of her. After all, most often her attendants dress the same dress. Your idea is good as well. But, she may not want a mish-mash, which sometimes happens when all of the dresses are different. Although, it can be done and can look very nice.
I'm sorry you feel hurt. I suppose it is your choice at this point. But, she isn't trying to slight you or insult you in my opinion.
Re: [lightningbug] Bridesmaid Dress Doesn't Come in Plus Size
[In reply to]
I usually don't disagree with Rebecca, but today I do. Sorry Rebecca - you know I love you!
Now, this tidbit I'm about to spew won't really benefit you, lightninbug, but to all future brides reading this...
Please consider your bridesmaids' size, figure, body type and personality when choosing a dress. Remember that you ask these women to be members of your bridal party and to represent you as a close friend or family member so be keenly aware that they have feelings and are spending time and money in the effort. They must been seen in public in the dress you choose and you, as the bride and the friend, should care about their feelings.
So, lightninbug, while I agree that your friend was being less than friend-like by choosing a dress that was not in your size, there doesn't see to be too many choices for you. If you're willing to strain, or even lose the relationship, you could surely bow out now claiming the dress issue. Perhaps she doesn't realize the position she's put you in or the issues that plus size women encounter. You may have to educate her - gently. Try communicating with her before making a decision you might regret. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Bridesmaid Dress Doesn't Come in Plus Size
