I'm standing up in a wedding in June. The bride has (finally) confirmed her choice for bridesmaids dresses and now we're rushing to get them ordered in time. She just now sent over the order forms ---- and the price.
The dress is $300 before alterations (from previous experience, this will be about $50-60 in my area). This is a lot to me! I can't exactly afford a $350 dress I'll never wear again. (And that doesn't count shoes, since I have to buy shoes to dye to match. At least another $50!)
When I've asked about the cost of the dresses before, she assured me they'd be "reasonable." Is $400 just to get dressed within the bounds "reasonable"?
When I agreed to be in the wedding, my husband and I sat down to make sure we could afford it. I estimated $250 for the dress and shoes, which seemed "reasonable" to me and in-line with other weddings I've been in. The extra $150 has to come from somewhere in our budget... And the first place I'm looking is for it to come out of her wedding gift...... As in, she won't get one.
Can my being in her wedding be her gift? Or at best, be a token gift like a picture frame? (And before anyone suggests I make a present -- I'm soooo not crafty!) I don't want to be tacky or upset her. But money is tight tight tight.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Mar 10, 2008, 2:14 PM)
Weddings by Shayna
WEDDING CONSULTANT
Mar 10, 2008, 2:39 PM
Post #2 of 5
(716 views)
Re: [lightningbug] Bridesmaid dress is more expensive than expected.
[In reply to]
You have certainly been inconvenienced and put in a bad spot by your friend. $300+ may be an often-seen dress price in the wedding industry, but it's a lot for a lot of people, especially in the current economy.
So, your options. It's certainly too close to the event to pull out, and it doesn't sound like you're considering it. You could speak to her and let her know that this is going to be very difficult for you, and ask her if there are any other expenses (like accessories) that you will be responsible for so you can make arrangements now (and perhaps that will trigger some sensibility in the rest of her decisions).
Can you take the money out of her gift? Well, technically you can give a wedding gift up to 12 months after a wedding (although I don't recommend it). While your budget may not allow for it now, it would be nice if ultimately you gave your good friend something (albeit something scaled down). It's wrong to choose not to give a gift just to "punish" her. We all make mistakes. But if it takes a bit longer, or if the gift isn't as grand, that's completely understandable. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
lightningbug
Mar 10, 2008, 3:22 PM
Post #3 of 5
(712 views)
Re: [Weddings by Shayna] Bridesmaid dress is more expensive than expected.
[In reply to]
I guess my intent wasn't to "punish" her, per se... But I also don't want to punish myself for being in her wedding by having to make cuts somewhere else in already stretched finances.
I've been in plenty of weddings before, and I know they get expensive. But I just wasn't sure if gifts were just that, gifts. Not required. The nice thing to do... But not mandatory.
(But if I'm being completely honest with myself, maybe it is a bit punitive... She got me nothing -- not even a card -- for my wedding. Granted, we had a small family-only wedding so I wasn't expecting a gift. But if I'm a close enough friend to be IN her wedding and spend $400 on clothes/shoes and give her shower and wedding gifts, that at least deserves a card, doesn't it?)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Mar 10, 2008, 3:34 PM
Post #4 of 5
(709 views)
Re: [lightningbug] Bridesmaid dress is more expensive than expected.
[In reply to]
Actually, the 'rule' about having a year to give a wedding gift, isn't a rule and I'm not sure if it ever really was. I think it was just an urban myth. There are a lot of them out there. We are supposed to send a gift before or directly after the wedding.
But, for attendants, it is perfectly fine to give a joint gift with the other attendants. This is fair considering how much it usually costs to be involved. You could give her something small if this is your choice. The gift doesn't have to be expensive.
I would completely agree that you could and should speak to her about the misunderstanding on the costs involved. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Mar 10, 2008, 3:47 PM
Post #5 of 5
(706 views)
Re: [lightningbug] Bridesmaid dress is more expensive than expected.
[In reply to]
Yes, she should have sent a card. Wouldn't the world be a much better place if everyone knew/did the right thing? Set a good example for your friend and do the right thing. But, doing the right thing doesn't have to break the bank. Buy a nice card and write a letter to tuck inside telling your friend what she means to you and include a coupon for some friendly help - a gift of your time. In my opinion, this is a very valuable gift.
I agree that you should talk to your friend, the bride. Perhaps she has no idea about your financial situation. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Bridesmaid dress is more expensive than expected.
