Maid of Honor dress not my size, shape; groom insists I wear it
Groom, for some reason, has talked the bride into deciding on a dress for me. (After she and I decided six months ago that the dresses would be two piece, re-usable and choices to fit body type and size) I am the Maid of Honor and a 2X(dress does not come in 3X), dress is cut for long waist; I am short waised. SLINKY....I am over 200lbs! I have/am laying out over $100 for waist cinchers and long-down-the leg body girdles just to try and fit in it. Matron of Honor wears a medium...I am sure she looks great. The dress IS a beautiful dress...but not for me.
Groom and I have argued....LOUDLY.....he insists I wear it and I am in tears. I love the bride as if she were my sister and she admitted that the groom preferred this dress for me and Matron of Honor. Cannot get my point across that when you are shaped like a large apple, you do not wear a slinky, very low-cut-in-the-back, pinched at the shoulders dress with gathers. (You should see the flesh that is not fitting into that low cut waist cincher)
Brides says she understands...what do I do? Groom won't back down. Are the grooms supposed to make decisions about the dresses that the Maid/Matron/Bridesmaides are to wear? The dress is returnable only for a store credit....so now I have a dress that I will/would never wear in life. I don't even LIKE shopping, so this is a store that I would NEVER venture into. I thought this was to be a happy time for everyone.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Aug 2, 2005, 7:07 PM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Post #2 of 6
(6986 views)
Re: [arvinsdaughter] Maid of Honor dress not my size, shape; groom insists I wear it
[In reply to]
Wow...I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Have you told the bride that you cannot wear this dress? Have you tried it on for her? Perhaps, if she sees you in the dress she'll understand how difficult it would be for you to be in seen in public. I think a long talk is in order, without the groom in attendance. Unfortunately, if the bride won't/can't see that you cannot wear this dress then you will have to either choose to wear the dress of bow out of the wedding.
Remind the bride that your acceptance to be a part of this wedding was conditional -- that she would select a dress style appropriate for your body type and one that you would feel comfortable wearing.
Since the bride (and groom aparently, but God knows why he's involved) have not met their part of the bargain you should feel ok about leaving the wedding. While you may be fearfiul that this might hurt your friendship, your "friend" hasn't been a true friend to allow her groom to insist you wear a dress that you are not comfortable wearing.
Most brides (and grooms) figure this is "their day, their way" but they really need to make the attendants, family and friends as comfortable as possible and free to enjoy "their day" along with the wedding couple!
Please let us know the conclusion of the story. I hope it is a happy one. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
arvinsdaughter
Post #3 of 6
(6982 views)
Re: [arvinsdaughter] Maid of Honor dress not my size, shape; groom insists I wear it
[In reply to]
Thank you for your response and validating my concerns. I needed to know that I was not losing my mind or sense of style. (just finished crying some more)
Both Bride and Groom along with a few of the bridesmaids were present when I tried on the dress. Everyone said, "You look nice" and I wondered if all were blind...for some reason all seem to think rolls of fat didn't show or make a dress ride up or pucker in areas where puckering shouldn't occur. I looked like a sausage.
I talked last eve at length with the bride and she is understanding and I believe she is at odds with what should be done. (trying to keep the peace I guess) I am going to see if she is available this week to go with me for another girdle fitting (I should make groom attend to see what I am experiencing and what a fitter would say)
I told the bride to be prepared for what would be said of her dresses after the wedding, especially since a couple of us are of size...people talk...I know, because I would. I am one of those people who believe spandex is a privilege, not a right. Hence, the same with slinky, provocatively designed gowns. I also told the bride that I know it was not her decision, especially given our conversation and she knows that I would never visit such a situation upon her. Well, I have 30 days...I will keep you posted. Again, thank you so much for your feedback.
kharlad
Post #4 of 6
(6913 views)
Re: [arvinsdaughter] Maid of Honor dress not my size, shape; groom insists I wear it
[In reply to]
I understand your plight. I was in a similar situation. I am full figured and all the other brides maids were size 2s and 4s. I was able to have the dress altered to better fit me with out changing the "Look of the dress". Such as lowering the waist or narrowing the V in the back. The style of the dress to look at it on a hanger on in person is the same, but the fit is totally different. It looked better on me and When all of us girls were standing together the dresses looked the same. I a shaped different so any perecieved difference in the dress was atributed to my "curves" not asa a result of the seamstress. What I can reccommend to you is if you are able, buy the fabric from the same dye lot as the other girls so that you have the same color and then have a dress tailor made for you in the same style but with a cut that fits you, ie a little fuller skirt or a natural waist line or a higher back so you can comfortably wear proper undergarments. If the lines of the dress are the same, such as the back v or front scoop, what difference does it make where it falls on you. Hardly anyone would notice and if they did you can simply say you had the dress alted to fit properly. You still are wearing the same dress, only on that you can sit, dance and hug realitives in it. Good Luck.
arvinsdaughter
Post #5 of 6
(6733 views)
Re: [kharlad] Maid of Honor dress not my size, shape; groom insists I wear it
[In reply to]
Thanks to you, TWQadmin and Kharlad, for confirming that I had not lost my mind. I am no longer in the wedding....no one is even talking to me.
I did indicate that I would have a dress made of the same material with the same look, designed to fit me and cover flesh that simply should not be uncovered and for a minute the bride was understanding. As the groom and I were loudly arguing this, he exclaimed that if I had a dress made, it had to be the "exact same dress!" Go figure - hey, this is "HIS" wedding.
I have basically been left hanging with a dress I cannot return and although the bride suggested I give her the dress and she give me the money - after I offered to bow out - I rec'd no calls at all. I am trying to see all the funds I put into the shower and dress, waist cincher and all as a gift and just eat it. I must admit, I have "bought sense".
....oddly enough, they wouldn't even call me to tell me where to show up for the Bridal Shower for which the Bridal Party and I were hosting! I spent weeks making party favors...spending borrowed money! Thanks for your support. I have truly learned a lesson from this.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #6 of 6
(6724 views)
Re: [arvinsdaughter] Maid of Honor dress not my size, shape; groom insists I wear it
[In reply to]
I am sincerely sorry about this. Honestly, I wish people would consider others more.
You deserve much better. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Maid of Honor dress not my size, shape; groom insists I wear it
Re: [arvinsdaughter] Maid of Honor dress not my size, shape; groom insists I wear it
[
