I have the honor and priviledge of helping my daughter plan her Fall 2009 wedding. She is in the process of contacting her MOH and bridesmaids to select a date when they can all go to the bridal shop to choose their dresses. She is discreetly letting each girl know that they will need their payment the day they shop so that their dresses can be ordered.
When she spoke to her MOH and mentioned the payment, her MOH said something to the effect of " OK, I will let my MOM know to see if she can make it that day, since she is paying for my dress ". Needless to say, my daughter was surprised at the response and, not wanting to cause any "hard feelings", simply said alright.
After relaying this conversation to me, and after expressing my astonishment, she spoke to her MOH again telling her that it really wasn't necessary for her mother to come along, to which the MOH replied that she already checked with her Mom and she was really looking forward to coming and wasn't sure her mother would give her a blank check! My daughter was at a loss for another tactful way of letting this girl know that her mother really has no business attending this shopping day, so she left it at that.
My question is, am I being too sensitive about this when I really shouldn't care if this girl's mother comes along? Or am I correct in assuming it is NONE of this woman's business even if she is paying for her daugher's dress. I should say also, this MOH is 24 years old and has a job of her own while in college. Also, my daughter and our family know the girl's family but I wouldn't say by any means that we are close. The girls were best friends in college.
The MOH and the other bridesmaids haven't even all met each other yet! My daughter was hoping to have lunch with everyone after shopping so the girls can get to know each other better. Now it seems we will have to entertain the MOH's Mom too! Not to mention listening to any input she may have concerning the dress shopping!
Is this one of those issues that I have to just let go in order to be the "bigger person"? I am definitely having a hard time with this and just want my daughter to have a happy wedding planning experience!!
Help me out with this please!!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #2 of 4
(649 views)
Re: Shopping for MOH and Bridesmaid dresses
[In reply to]
Dear MOBwoes,
This is a bit strange as none of the mothers should be attending. But, it is what it is and the mother seems to hold the checkbook. So, it may be best for your daughter to treat her ladies another time.
Also, this is way too early to shop for dresses. Their plans could change dramatically in a year. They may not even want a formal wedding by then. Perhaps if your daughter sticks to a more reasonable timeline, she won't have to worry about any of the mothers. Often a bride will change her colors many times before finalizing on a theme.
She really should have waited to choose her attendants until all of her plans were firmed up. She may find that she wants a venue that doesn't hold many guests, so she can't have many attendants--the formality of the wedding and number of guests somewhat translate to the number of attendants. And, back to the previous paragraph...even if she has "firmed" up her plans, she may have to change them given that the wedding won't be for a year from now.
Re: Shopping for MOH and Bridesmaid dresses
[In reply to]
Dear MOBwoes, I can understand your feelings because you only want your daughter to have the best experience with her wedding and the planning process as well.
Part of me wants to say, let it go and the other part is screaming replace her as MOH. If she needs her mother with her for the dress selection, will she also be with her for the bridal showers, bachelorette parties, etc.?
I think that if your daughter cannot convince the MOH that her mother is not welcome, It's a bridal attendants ONLY thing, then she's going to have the same issue for all of the occasions that involve the MOH.
I hate to sound mean but she is just at the beginning of the process and already experiencing discomfort and anguish due to the MOH. Have your daughter read what the duties of MOH are and then ask herself if this friend can fulfil them. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Post #4 of 4
(630 views)
Re: Shopping for MOH and Bridesmaid dresses
[In reply to]
I don't think a year in advance is too soon to begin shopping for dresses. Perhaps, if you tell the maid of honor that you're just shopping, and not actually buying, and then explain that you are taking the group of young ladies (bride's mom can go home after the shopping if this makes it easier for the bride) to lunch so everyone can get to know each other better. Emphasize the need to have a 'friends only" lunch. It might even be better if it were just the girls and no moms were attending. Mother of the bride and bride can have a special outing to select their dresses together. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Shopping for MOH and Bridesmaid dresses
