My best friend of 16 years is getting married for the second time. I was her MOH in her first wedding, which was rather casual. She was engaged in July of this year and is getting married in December. I was diagnosed with a chronic disease in April which limits my mobility often (which makes me self-conscious). She has two BMs and me. I live 800 miles away from her and the BMs. Because of my health, I haven't done anything for her wedding. I am just beginning to start planning things for her, as my new meds are beginning to give me some energy.
She gave me a list of dresses that she liked and asked for me to go try them on and the BMs will just buy whatever I like (because they are a size 5). I am a size 18 with a DDD chest and have always been VERY modest in my attire; however, my personality is anything but modest. She said that I can wear a jacket of some sort since 1. I'm modest and 2. I have bruises all over my arms from my daily injections that I must take.
Today, she was supposed to call me when her and the BMs got to the store to buy the dresses. I don't know the other BMs at all. She called me after the fact and said she picked my #2 choice (my tolerable but not preferred choice) and I wasn't going to wear the jacket because she didn't like it. She did this with a very krass tone. She said I can wear a shall, which will NOT happen. I even told her that if she didn't like the jacket then I'll find another one. She also said that she has more than accommodated me. I would not have put a strapless dress on my "ok" list had I thought I could not wear a normal bra and a jacket to cover that up. She feels I'm trying to control the situation, and I told her the only thing I'm controlling is my body comfort. I told her that she's NEVER in 16 years seen me with that type of attire on and I will feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable. She had originally said I could wear a different dress than the BMs altogether and now she's saying we ALL have to look alike because that's what her husband wants. She also said, "IT'S MY WEDDING!". I told her I understand and respect that, but she has to respect my comfort and tried to explain that it's not that I don't "like" the dress; I just cannot wear it without a jacket. (It looks stunning!)
Our phone conversation ended in her crying and saying she couldn't deal with it right then. How do I back out of being her MOH without losing our friendship? Even if she gives in to me wearing the jacket, the BMs and her family are going to be mad and I dont' want for her to be stressed. A jacket might seem like such a little thing, but to someone such as myself, you might as well ask me to walk naked down the isle. I even wore a jacket to my senior prom when I was a size 9 and had perfect skin. I don't want to travel 800 miles to be greeted by people that feel I've ruined her wedding, and I don't want to ruin her wedding. Please help...I hate this and want for her to have a great wedding!
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Oct 23, 2006, 10:02 PM)
Nancy Tucker
PRESIDENT - WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL
Post #2 of 4
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Re: [needhelpquick] Should I resign as MOH?
[In reply to]
It would appear that unless you are willing to ruin the 16 year friendship, you'll have to give in here. She doesn't like the jacket but has offered a shawl...let her make a suggestion or find one that you can live with. In December you will need something over your shoulders for much of the time anyway. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #3 of 4
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Re: [needhelpquick] Should I resign as MOH?
[In reply to]
Re: [needhelpquick] Should I resign as MOH?
[In reply to]
I suggested for her to pick out another jacket and that didn't work. She said it's her wedding and she wants the shawl. I don't know why she's losing site of "who" I am and always have been and trying to compromise that. Also, we had agreed on me wearing a jacket prior to her going to buy the dresses with the BMs. I will sit on a stool next to her during her wedding since I'm unable to stand for that long and I even agreed to being rolled down the isle in a wheelchair if need be, but to ask for me to compromise my modesty is going too far in my opinion. She's never even seen me in a tank top, and I lived in hot weather! Since she won't agree on picking out another jacket, what would you suggest? I've gone along with everything, but now she's going against what was previously agreed upon. Should I resign as her MOH?
Should I resign as MOH?
