Okay, so I thought I had this figured out so that everyone is happy, but now people are complaining. I need some advice about the wedding attire for my father, my mom's husband, and my fiance's father.
I thought it would be good if they all wore the zoot suit tuxes we decided to use in our wedding, so that when we take pictures we all match. Also, I feel like my mom's husband deserves to wear a tux at my wedding because my mom and he are paying for the majority of my wedding. However, my dad told my little sister he's going to be upset if my mom's husband wears a tux to my wedding because I'm not his daughter (of course, he didn't say anything to me about it). My dad's been complaining to my fiance that he's not included in the planning of the wedding, but I've told him everything that needs to happen and has happened. He's told me several times he's going to pay for this or that, or give me a check to cover something and he hasn't followed through. It's been mostly my mom who's contributed. My dad's name, as well as my mom's husband's name were included on the wedding invitation, so they are all hosting it together. I think it makes sense that my mom's husband is seen as a "special part" of the wedding, not just a guest, because of all he's done in terms of helping me even be able to have this day.
I guess I have two questions. One, is it "okay" to have my mom's husband in a tux along with my father and my fiance's father? And two, do I just put him a tux and deal with it at the wedding, or should I talk with my dad beforehand?
I'm beginning to feel like I've heard most other brides say they felt, we should have just elope or something. I don't want my wedding day to feel like a horrible experience, or where I'm overly concerned about hurting everyone else's feelings but not worrying about my own. Thank you for any help you can give me.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 28, 2007, 12:12 PM
Post #2 of 2
(589 views)
Re: [ovrwhelmedbride] FOB, mom's new husband, FOG attire
[In reply to]
Dear Overwhelmed,
Let's look at this from a different perspective. When a stepmother is treated as one of the mothers (she is seated as special) she dresses as one of them. She coordinates with all of the mothers with her dress. And, this is a decision that is made by the couple.
So, if you want to treat your stepfather as one of the fathers, we should apply the same 'rule'. He really should be dressed the same as all of the other men because he is viewed as one of the hosts.
It may be best to speak to your father before the wedding though with your reasoning. Of course you can back it up with etiquette 'rules' too.
FOB, mom's new husband, FOG attire
