Hello, first of all, thanks for this site, it's been a lifesaver!
I am in need of some advice...
My future father-in-law usually wears jeans and cowboy boots to weddings. Fine. I think it's rude, but whatever. My future husband and his groomsmen are wearing tuxedos to our formal wedding, as are our MC's.
My future father-in-law is planning on buying a new suit and wearing it to both ours and his daughter's wedding next year because "renting a tux is a waste of money when you can just buy a nice suit." (By the way, the MOG shares this opinion). He also said that he would probably change into jeans and cowboy boots sometime during our reception.
I have told my fiance to talk to him, that it would be weird for the FOG to be dressed in a suit when the wedding party (and MC's) are in tuxes, and it's inconsiderate of him to treat his only son's wedding as just another "event". But my FH thinks that the important thing is that his dad is comfortable. He insists that since I am the one who cares so much, I should talk to him.
I think I could get through to him that wearing jeans is completely inappropriate, but can I ask him to suck it up and wear a tux? Cost isn't a problem, as I can get him a free rental. But he would be less inclined to buy a suit because then "he would only be wearing it to one wedding, and that's a waste".
What should I do? Am I wrong for wanting him to wear a tux? I know that my relationship with him is more important than some wedding photos, so I'm not going to demand anything from him, but is there a nice way I can get him to come around?
You might try offering to rent the tux for him. He might feel obligated to keep it on longer during the reception at least because it was a "gift".
If he wants a suit and won't wear a tux, let him buy the suit. But give him the (general) colors that you expect him to wear (maybe buy him a coordinating tie), and make sure that your photographer includes him in the minimum number of formal posed photos. Ulimately, it will be embarrassing for him, but isn't going to make a huge impact on your wedding.
Your fiance really needs to lay down the law on the jeans though. It's not appropriate, and it's an expression of disrespect for the guests of honor and for their hosts. We all want to be comfortable, but it's the equivalent of putting on jammies and slippers. You're right that it's about the family relationship afterwards, but in this case, he's the one that is compromising the peace unfairly. Shayna Walker, Williamsburg Wedding Design http://www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com
I couldn't agree more. And, he really should be dressed as the rest of the men in the wedding. If he doesn't have any roles, it is of less importance. But, it is still nice when all of the men dress the same.
It really is your fiance's obligation to speak to his father. And, if "you" are the one who is really concerned with this, it should also be his concern as you two are a couple. Perhaps addressed in this light, he might see it. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
FOG won't wear tux
