I'm old, overweight and getting married for the second time. My first wedding was a civil ceremony with NOTHING. I want a real wedding this time, but I don't want to look stupid either. We are getting married at 3 pm this September on a Sunday afternoon in our garden--a Jewish ceremony. Oh, I forgot to add--we are already legally married, we had a civil ceremony a few weeks ago, and we have been living together for 3 yrs.
Having said all that, I need some advice on what to wear. I already have a perfectly appropriate platinum/taupe dress that I wore for my nephew's Bar Mitzvah and our civil ceremony but--what I really want to wear is a dress with a short train, just so I can have those classic bridal photos where the train lies so beautifully on the ground. I'm afraid if I go for that I will look (and feel) ridiculous. What would you recommend? And what about a veil?
I'm 5'1", have golden medium brown short hair, and a post-menopausal figure (ie no waistline).
thanks!
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jul 16, 2007, 9:35 AM
Post #2 of 7
(835 views)
Re: [erdoran] 54 yr old sz 22 second marriage--what to wear?
[In reply to]
Once you're married - you're married - sorry. You really cannot be married again, even three weeks later. I'm not sure why you planned the wedding this way but you cannot repeat a wedding ceremony. However, you can host a wedding reception for yourself or, if you are of a religious nature, you can plan a blessing of your marriage in church.
We cannot guide you on the selection of a dress for an event that isnlt considered proper, however, if you are going to have a reception or a marriage blessing then you would dress to match the formality of your event which is typically governed by the time of day and location. Not having all of the information about your figure it would be difficult to suggest a specific style though. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
erdoran
Jul 16, 2007, 10:03 AM
Post #3 of 7
(833 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] 54 yr old sz 22 second marriage--what to wear?
[In reply to]
I'm sorry, I didn't give the full picture. We are Jewish and are having the religious ceremony in September, with our rabbi officiating. We had a civil ceremony for primarily financial reasons (ie we'll save enough on his health insurance to pay for the real thing) and it was done privately, as an elopement. No one knew until afterwards, there were no guests, reception, etc.
We consider the religious ceremony the true wedding, and are going to the effort of getting Jewish divorces, even though we have both had civil divorces for years. Does that put a different complexion on things, or is it still just as wrong?
As far as my figure is concerned, I'm about size 22, and pretty much in proportion for that size. My upper arms are quite heavy so I have to wear at least short sleeves.
thanks for any thoughts you have!
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jul 16, 2007, 10:35 AM
Post #4 of 7
(830 views)
Re: [erdoran] 54 yr old sz 22 second marriage--what to wear?
[In reply to]
No, again, once you are married, you are married. it doesn't really matter whether you tell anyone or not. But, it seems to me that you would want to be honest with yourselves, your family and friends and, especially, your Rabbi. While I'll admit that I am not well versed in the Jewish faith, I would guess that your Rabbi would not want to perform a wedding for a couple who is already married.
Please speak to your Rabbi candidly about your choices. He may be able to provide guidance and suggestions for alternate ceremonies. In the Christian world we have what is known as a blessing of the marriage which is performed for couples who have had a civil ceremony but want to have their marriage recognized and blessed by the church. Perhaps Judiasm has a ceremony like this. This sort of service is not a wedding and should not appear to be a wedding.
So, the dress you choose should not appear as a wedding dress and, again, should match the formality of your event. Choose a stiffer type of fabric rather than a clingy fabric. Flattering styles such as a-line and empire waits may be good for you. Try 3/4 length sleeves that are generous and flow away from the skin. Open necklines and off the shoulder styles and accessories may draw attention away from the body and up to your beautiful, glowing face.
We have other posts with suggestions for plus size bridal wear. Feel free to use the search. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
erdoran
Jul 16, 2007, 12:37 PM
Post #5 of 7
(823 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] 54 yr old sz 22 second marriage--what to wear?
[In reply to]
Thanks for your info and suggestions. Just to clear things up (I don't want to appear dishonest, even to an anonymous person on a board), we have told our families and friends, of course since we eloped and once the Rabbi gets back from vacation, we most certainly will be telling her also. We had contacted her before making the decision to elope to ask whether or not it would be an issue in being able to have a Jewish wedding, but she never got back to us before she left and there were some legal and financial reasons to go ahead sooner rather than waiting six weeks for her to get back.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jul 16, 2007, 12:47 PM
Post #6 of 7
(821 views)
Re: [erdoran] 54 yr old sz 22 second marriage--what to wear?
[In reply to]
Thanks for the clarification. I appreciate your position but you should wait to speak to the Rabbi since she will be best able to guide you in the religious ceremony aspect. However, the answers I have given still remain as part of what modern day wedding etiquette indicates as proper.
You can still have a wonderful ceremony and reception to celebrate your marriage. These are your choices. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 16, 2007, 2:43 PM
Post #7 of 7
(811 views)
Re: [erdoran] 54 yr old sz 22 second marriage--what to wear?
[In reply to]
I completely agree. No matter what the ceremony is, it cannot appear to be a wedding or it would be viewed as inappropriate and (I have to be honest here) foolish. We hear from guests very often about how they feel once they find out and they usually do.
The wedding is a gift giving event and when you invite guests in an event that appears to be a wedding and it is not, it isn't viewed positively at all.
A reception would be so much better. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
54 yr old sz 22 second marriage--what to wear?
