My fiance is Jewish and I'm Catholic. Neither of us have been practicing for a long time but we'd like to incorporate traditions of both ceremonies into our day. We plan to have a rabbi and a priest officiate and will have a chupah, he will wear a yarmulke, etc. The one thing that is very important to me is for us to get married in a beautiful place - I'd really like not to get married in a hotel and, because our wedding will be in November in NJ, an outside wedding isn't possible. I found a nondenominational chapel on a local college campus that would be perfect (this chapel actually was recommended by the rabbi). But my fiance is saying that it looks like a church, which he feels will alienate his side of the family. I feel that he's being a bit unreasonable. The ceremony itself will be predominantly Jewish and there are no crosses in the chapel or anything like that. And I feel like, even if theyre were, wouldn't that be a sign of what we're doing by getting married - blending two traditions? I guess my question is, how far do I push for this? It's very important to me and also to my parents (who are actually very low-key in this whole process).
Any thoughts?
Deacon Bob
INDEPENDANT CATHOLIC DEACON
Oct 30, 2005, 10:43 AM
Post #2 of 4
(893 views)
Re: [kms82278] Jewish/Catholic ceremony - where do we have it?
[In reply to]
Has your fiance spoken to the Rabbi? How much have you talked about the religious differences? From what you have said it seems like while he does not practice he has some strong ideas? Have you discussed what will happen when children are born? I think it is very important when there is a difference in religions that both partners understand how the other feels and that they have some sensativity to the others feelings. Have you found a Priest to co officiate? Has the Rabbi placed any restrictions on what the Priest's role will be or what he can say. These are other areas that need to be considered early on as they can create hard feelings if not discussed until close to the ceremony. My best wishes to you. God Bless. Deacon Bob Tousey
annemjuhlian
CELEBRANT & OFFICIANT
Oct 30, 2005, 12:44 PM
Post #3 of 4
(885 views)
Re: [kms82278] Jewish/Catholic ceremony - where do we have it?
[In reply to]
You pose a familiar situation shared by many interfaith couples. This is a wonderful opportunity for you and your fiancee' to "negotiate" a loving solution. There is no right or wrong here. I fully appreciate that you ceremony will be predominantly Jewish - however, consider the possibility that your ceremony be a sweet combination of both the Christian and Jewish tradition. I personally can see having your ceremony in a non-denominational chapel - are both of your Celebrants open to this? Or if you are having a summer wedding, consider a special outdoor venue. The bottomline here is that this is between you and your Sweetheart. I live by the premise of "I'd rather be happy than right." A wedding brings up all sorts of emotional stuff - and sometimes it's hard to negotiate these choppy waters. If you can't come to a compromise that sits well in both of your hearts, consider visiting with a third party who may be able to help you come to a loving decision - best for everyone involved. Annemarie Juhlian, Wedding Officiant & Minister
RevSusanna
Interfaith Wedding Minister
Oct 30, 2005, 5:24 PM
Post #4 of 4
(881 views)
Re: [kms82278] Jewish/Catholic ceremony - where do we have it?
[In reply to]
This is an issue that often comes up with interfaith couples. Having said that, many interfaith couples marry in non-denominational university chapels (without crosses). Many marry in secular locations.
Are your fiance's concerns for himself, or for his parents' feelings? Or perhaps he is concerned how the church is going to be perceived by his extended family and friends? Since the Rabbi recommended the chapel in the first place, it may help for you and your fiance to sit down and talk about this with the Rabbi--- or another third party who has experience in mediating these types of issues between interfaith couples and their families. I have worked with thousands of interfaith couples. It is my opinion that all feelings, thoughts, fears and issues need to be aired, discussed and negotiated beforehand. Your wedding day is the birthday of your marriage! It sets the tone as to how you will work together in the future. It may take effort, but it is worth it.
Go deep inside, and examine how you really feel. Is it important for you to marry in a churchlike environment or just somewhere beautiful? Have you considered all the options? For example, there are places here in New York, old mansions and castles that are very beautiful. Some even have chapels within them. Does it hurt you that your fiance does not want to marry in a non-denominational chapel without crosses given the wedding will be a Jewish-style wedding? If so, you need to tell your fiance how you feel, and tell him why. When speaking to him, do not make this about him. Make it about you---your thoughts and feelings. You also need to consider your parents (and his). A wedding is also a public statement and a family affair.
Ask your fiance about his concerns. Listen. Those who listen, listen for peace. The word courage comes from the Latin root word "cor" which means heart. Face your concerns with all of your heart.
I often say when it comes to interfaith marriages: Respect is the foundation, love is the bridge. Fear does not a bridge make. Only love can do that.
Keep your love before you. In this way you will be able to find a way to be true to yourselves, yet respectful of each other's traditions.
If you read my book, you will read many love stories of interfaith couples---along with their challenges and resolutions. You will see some of yourselves in them. You are not alone! There is one chapter I titled Family Matters which offers tender counsel as to how to work with family and friends in the most loving and harmonious way.
Jewish/Catholic ceremony - where do we have it?
