My fiance and I got engaged less than1 month ago and already there is trouble with my family. We each have 3 bridal party members (bridesmaids: my 2 sisters and his sister), (groomsmen: his 3 lifelong friends). My mom called (and later posted on this forum) re-including my sister's husband (aka brother-in-law) as a groomsman. I was first told by my family that it was proper etiquette (I checked many books/sites, including this one, and it does not appear to be mandatory) and then told it was family tradition (which I don't quite believe). My brother-in-law is a great guy, but I don't feel strongly about having him as a groomsman. My fiance likes him, but does not know him that well. My mom, fiance and I finally sorted things out and agreed to ask my brother-in-law to be a reader, which we thought was a nice compromise.
When I told my sister we were going to ask her husband to be a reader she abruptly ended the call and she has not returned any of my calls since). Also, although the rest of my family respects our decision, they prefer that we make him a groomsman and are upset because my fiance "should have wanted to include him as a groomsman."
Are my fiance and I the bad guys? Should we keep standing our ground (we barely care any more at this point) or should we call the brother-in-law and "promote" him from reader to groomsman?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Nov 2, 2009, 8:25 PM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
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Post #2 of 3
(61 views)
Re: Must groom ask brother-in-law to be groomsman
[In reply to]
As we have mentioned in many previous posts, the groom selects his groomsmen based on his relationships. So, he invites those closest to him to act as groomsmen.
It is an honor to be asked to be a member of the bridal party, not a right. You select the number of attendants based on the size of your wedding. The more formal the wedding (the more guests), the more attendants you'll need. If your wedding is semi-formal then you already have enough groomsmen and the point is moot. You can find that information in any etiquette book or on this website.
I'm sure we gave your mother the same advice when she posted, and she might think this is her family's tradition, but if the wedding couple doesn't need, or want, more attendants then, well, they don't - it is their decision. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #3 of 3
(49 views)
Re: Must groom ask brother-in-law to be groomsman
[In reply to]
I couldn't agree more. There are so many people creating their own brand of etiquette and calling it family tradition, which is basically just a form of control and entitlement. Your brother-in-law is not entitled to be part of the bridal party if not close to your fiance.
It's unfortunate that some people feel that they are so important that they deserve special treatment and are above the "rules" the rest of us follow. We follow those rules because they are fair and logical.
I hope everyone can calm down and focus on what is most important here: you two marrying. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Nov 4, 2009, 12:21 PM)
Must groom ask brother-in-law to be groomsman
