My fiance and I are making arrangements for our wedding music and have a small issue that needs to be resolved regarding the Wedding March. We haven't discussed it yet seriously and I just want to make sure I'm being reasonable in my thinking before we sit down to work through it.
My family traditionally has the March, as well as hymns, played at the wedding by a close family friend and semi-professional pianist, who is also a longtime close friend of myself and my parents. My fiance's sister also plays the piano and has expressed a desire to play at the wedding as well, which is great. So, the only initial issue was who was going to play at the wedding, and I thought it would be nice to have both play if they wished to. Our close family friend could play the March for me as I walk up, and my fiance's sister could play the hymns and any other musical selections, or vice versa if there were any strong feelings one way or the other. Now, my fiance has thought that neither should play the March, but his 5 year old nephew who has just started music lessons should. He said that he thought it would be "cute to watch him play and make mistakes and start over again." If it were any other musical selection than the March, I would be happy to have him play and I would like him to play some selections during the service for sure, as I do love the little guy and wish to have him participate. And yes, it is really cute to watch and hear a child playing and working their way through a piece. I just don't feel that I would like to have the March played, stalled, restarted, etc. while I'm taking one of the most important walks of my life with my Dad. I feel it's probably one of the most anticipated moments in the wedding and I just am not comfortable using that particular song as one for our little guest musician.
So, am I being unreasonable in wanting the March to be played by our family friend, or by my future sister in law, so that it has the flow and continuity for a nice walk-up? As I said, any other selections within the service, I am more than happy to have the little guy play and sincerely hope he does. I just am not comfortable having him play that particular song at that particular point in the ceremony, but I don't wish to hurt my fiance's, little nephew's, or extended family's feelings by requesting to have an accomplished pianist play it. Any thoughts you might have regarding the arrangement of musicians in the service would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jun 1, 2005, 2:44 PM
Post #2 of 3
(1862 views)
Re: [mln] One Wedding March, Three musicians
[In reply to]
Dear Three Musicians,
Honestly, when children are involved in the wedding it often turns ugly. Children freeze, cry, and dive under the nearest skirt. And, to have a five year old, no matter how mature he may be, play at a wedding... this is asking for drama.
It really will not be 'cute' to have him play. In my opinion, it will be stressful and disappointing to you and irritating to your guests. No matter how cute he may be to his family, others may not feel the same.
The march is something all of us guests want to see played out with dignity and reverence. We feel close to the bride at this time and cry even when we don't know her well. Is this really a time to experiment with childish, amateur music?
I think that you are correct in being cautious. Your march may end up looking more like the 'hokey pokey'.
Re: [mln] One Wedding March, Three musicians
[In reply to]
As an Interfaith Minister and Celebrant, I have officiated at many wonderful weddings. And my first question around your dilemma is: "What is really going on with your fiance' that he so strongly endorses a 5-year-old musician play the wedding march?" I may be crazy here but oftentimes a wedding brings up all sorts of feelings and shadow sides. Yes, I do fully agree with you - the march should be played by a competent musician and/or professinoal. The little guy could have another part in the wedding ceremony (a playful part!) and/or the reception. I would find quiet time with your Sweetie and talk about anything that may be going on BEHIND the question. Oftentimes, when planning a wedding, what appears to be isn't necessarily what is. Annemarie Juhlian, Wedding Officiant & Minister
One Wedding March, Three musicians
