My boyfriend and I are not engaged but is planning to get married in June and engaged in January. Because of our Chinese culture, we got stuck in a rut with our parents about financing for the wedding. Therefore we are think about getting married first and then holding the celebration/ reception afterwards. Never seen it done before from friends. Should we then have a celebration reception? What about a second ceremony after we are married. What have people done before and how do they deal with this?
expertplanner
BRIDAL CONSULTANT
Oct 2, 2005, 9:56 AM
Post #2 of 5
(1291 views)
Re: [Allibelle] Post marriage ceremony/reception?
[In reply to]
Dear Alli:
My understanding of the Chinese culture as it relates to marriage is that maintaining the rituals are very important. Is your issue, or rut at you have called it, with your parents that they can't help you with the cost of this wedding or that they are against you getting married altogether? Rhonda Allen, Bridal Consultant New Beginnings Weddings
Nancy Tucker
PRESIDENT - WEDDINGS BEAUTIFUL
Oct 2, 2005, 12:19 PM
Post #3 of 5
(1290 views)
Re: [Allibelle] Post marriage ceremony/reception?
[In reply to]
Dear Allibelle,
I agree with expertplanner. I'm confused by how getting married now and holding the reception later will help if the financial issues with your parents are not worked out? Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
Allibelle
Oct 3, 2005, 2:59 PM
Post #4 of 5
(1271 views)
Re: [expertplanner] Post marriage ceremony/reception?
[In reply to]
My parents have unreasonable expectations such as the groom's side is suppose to pay for everything, there must be a minimum number of tables for the banquet, a nice 10 course meal, and a dowry (?) that my boyfriend is suppose to cough up just to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. The dowry is about $2,000 to $4,000. I've never heard of this dowry (?) thing till now. Because we need to make a down payment for the house and his parents are already paying for a significant portion, we are still short about $6,000 for the wedding and dowry. As a result, we may have to delay the wedding and save up till later. My parents are not financing anything.
The issue is not about our relationship. Its the money. Its been a headache.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Oct 3, 2005, 3:12 PM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Oct 3, 2005, 6:51 PM
Post #5 of 5
(1247 views)
Re: [Allibelle] Post marriage ceremony/reception?
[In reply to]
All I can answer to is the etiquette most of us follow here. Traditionally the bride's parents would pay for nearly the entire wedding/reception. So, to expect so much from the groom's parents is surprising. Today, more couples are paying for their own weddings. So, perhaps you could just host your own wedding with the help of the groom's parents and just invite your parents.
As for the dowery, I haven't heard of this either. I don't know Chinese etiquette though. Typically, with the cultures whose etiquette I do know, if they require a dowery this is to be paid to the groom's parents.
So, this is very different from what our etiquette would suggest.
You have some decisions to make that only you can make. Do you follow your parent's traditions that you don't know or understand? Do you plan your own wedding, which you and your groom's parents host? You, of course, can wait and pay your parents for the privilege to marry. These are the only choices I see. But, these are choices.
Oh, if you plan your own wedding and reception, your reception can be any type you wish. You don't need 10 courses if you are following mainstream etiquette.
Post marriage ceremony/reception?
