My parents are unhappily divorced--this doesn't mean they want to be married to one another, it simply means they still can't seem to let go of their issues with each other. Needless to say, I'm in the middle of it with my wedding. My wedding is less than two weeks away. My mom's been complaining to anyone who will listen about how it's unfair that I'm having my dad walk me down the aisle, considering our past. I want my dad to walk me down the aisle, because in the past three years he has been incredibly supportive of my relationship with my fiance. I was considering, after a lot of pestering on my mom's part, having my mom walk me down the aisle along with my father. However, the closer I get to the wedding day, the more uncomfortable I feel with this idea. I see how it could work for some people, and I know that it would make my mom happy, but my dad a little less. My fiance hates the idea of my mom walking me down the aisle along with my dad; he thinks it's going to look kind of goofy. I just don't know how to incorporate my mom into my wedding ceremony, since she's complaining so much about how she's "doing all the work" and my dad's going to be able to stand up there and get all the glory. My parents aren't really "grown up" enough for me to be able to speak rationally with them about how I'm feeling, so I think I'm kind of stuck in terms of what to do next.
I know that there are rose ceremonies that can occur during the wedding ceremony, but I want my ceremony to be short and simple because it's going to be 100+ outside and I have a lot of older guests coming. I don't know what to do... any help or ideas from someone would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jul 2, 2007, 3:58 PM
Post #2 of 3
(608 views)
Re: [ovrwhelmedbride] Trouble with Divorced Parents
[In reply to]
Dear Overwhelmedbride,
It is quite common for both parents to escort their daughter. So, it wouldn't be goofy. But, I can't imagine those two that close together. I'm imagining them tugging on your arms in opposite directions.
Perhaps someone could remind your mother that she has the very special position of being seated as special directly before the procession begins. All eyes will be on her before the guests even see you and your attendants.
Re: [ovrwhelmedbride] Trouble with Divorced Parents
[In reply to]
Though many brides do walk with both parents, it seems that you may feel uncomfortable knowing/sensing the tension that exists between your parents. As the bride taking what a often I refer to as "the walk of a lifetime", I think it is imperative that you be as much at ease as is possible. You will be nervous enough as is! Here are alternates that I have developed which are featured in my book.
The mother of the bride gets escorted down to her seat of honor as usual. Once the bride and groom are in place at the altar, the officiant takes two roses from the ceremonial table (or other choice of single blooms) with attached personal notes and says:
"We begin the ceremony with a symbolic gift of beauty and gratitude to the women who gave the bride and groom life, their mothers."
The celebrant then hands the bride and groom the flowers which have attached personal notes rolled up like scrolls and fastened to the stems with silk ribbons. The bride and groom then turn to give the flowers to their mothers with a hug and kiss.
The notes can reveal your love and gratitude. It is a wonderful time to thank your mother for all she's done for you, tell her how she has contributed to who you are as a person, and convey how much you love her. She will read this note later in private, and have it to keep forever.
After the notes are given, I usually say:
Mothers, it is in your honor that we offer these words from Homer's Hymns:
It is she who nourished you
She, out of her treasures
Beautiful Children
Beautiful Harvests
Are achieved from you, the giving of life itself.
Thank you, Mothers.
Then I instruct everyone to be seated and comfortably. Then begins my Welcome and Opening Words.
Of course, you can also have your mothers light the side candles for the unity candle. Your mother can write and read a personal blessing for the two of you and your married life---only as a mother can do.
Take heart. Sadly, these situations are fairly commonplace at weddings. However, with love, care and a bit of effort, there is always a way!
Trouble with Divorced Parents
