I have seen unity candles advertised and was at a loss. I was going through my friends wedding album with her and when they got married they had unity candles so I was very excited and asked her what they did with them. She said that her mother and her husbands mother lit the tapers, they then took the tapers and lit the pillar. Then I became at a loss again, I lost my mother 22 years ago. My father re-married 17 years ago, her and I get a long "okay". I have a thirteen year old son from a previous relationship, he adores my fiancé and wants us to get married tomorrow . I would love to do the unity candle thing, I was thinking of having three tapers; one for my fiancé, one for my son and one for myself. The mothers lighting them is a terrific idea, I would light my son's, my soon to be mother in law will light my fiancé's but I am at a bit of a loss as to who to have light mine. I would like to made mention during the ceremony that so and so is lighting the bride's candle since her mother is no longer with us or something of that sort. I was thinking of having my father light mine, but I also don't want to obviously disclude his wife (though I am not too keen on the idea of including her, not a real good relationship you know). Also my father's wife never knew my mother, but my father is also a minister and will be conducting the ceremony, so him lighting my candle may not even be feasible. I no longer have any siblings (that was my next thought) I buried my only brother 2 years ago and never had any sisters. I also no longer have any aunts or uncles as they have since passed on as well. The only people at my wedding that knew my mother will be myself and my father, and the only family that will be there are my father and my son. So I am at a loss. I also wanting to include my fathers wife to a degree without actually having her be "mom". She will be receiving a corsage, and a necklace along with my soon to be mother in law. And I also want to mention that my son is walking me down the aisle because I even thought about him lighting mine. Forgive my rattling; things are a bit complicated on my side of the family
(This post was
edited by Euphony on Oct 20, 2004, 5:34 PM)
Whew...well that IS a lot! Let's see if we can address these issues for you. Firstly, here is some information about the unity candle ceremony: Including Children in Your Unity Candle Ceremony
Include your children in the meaningful lighting of the Unity Candle. The eternal symbol of two flames becoming one not only means two hearts becoming one, but an entire family uniting as one force.
Here are some ideas for you and your childrens\' Unity Candle Ceremony. Have Your Kids Light the Tapers
During the processional, or right before the ceremony, have both of your children light the individual tapers - mom\'s kids light mom\'s candle, and the same for dad. Have Your Kids Light the Unity Candle
If you have your parents light your individual tapers before the ceremony begins, or perhaps if you, the bride and groom, light them yourselves, also have your kids light an individual taper for themselves.
When it\'s time to light the the Unity Candle, each member of your new family takes their own taper candle and contributes to the single flame. This is a beautiful, emotional way to bring your family together in a ceremonial bond. Create Your Own Ceremony
After you, the bride and groom light your unity candle, you may want to read a poem or a special statement to your kids. Then all members of your new family can join their tapers together to the one Unity Candle. Older children could also participate in a reading about bringing your new family together. Talk with your officiant to create a ceremony that\'s right for you and your children.
Make your children feel they\'re already a part of a new family. Choose a Unity Candle specially printed with your names, your wedding date, and also your children\'s names right on the candle.
Including all of your new family in the lighting of your unity candle makes it a unique, personal ceremony that everyone will remember for years to come.
If you would like to do a memorial for a loved one:
It\'s your wedding day, and you can\'t imagine having it without someone you loved dearly. Here are some ideas for a memorial candle ceremony. Light a Memorial Candle
Provide a second table at the altar or near the front of the church. On it, place a Memorial Candle in tribute to your loved ones.
Ask your officiant to include them at the beginning of the candle-lighting ceremony. For example, "Before (Bride) and (Groom) light a candle to symbolize their union, they will light a candle in honor of (Loved One), whom they dearly miss, and who they know is present with them here today."
Then, light the Memorial Candle, ask the officiant to say a prayer, then move to the altar to light your Unity Candle.
Light Taper Candles In Memorium
It is traditional to have one or both parents light the individual tapers for their children before the bride and groom light the Unity Candle. If one or both of your parents is deceased, the bride or groom can light the taper and ask the officiant to acknowledge the act before the Unity Candle is lit.
You may also think of using candelabras, and having sisters, brothers, or other family members light a candle for each relative that is no longer with you.
Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
The Wedding Queen's got it all...another thought is to let your Son light your candle and make a note in your program that his is lighting it in honor of your mother. Nancy Tucker President of Weddings Beautiful US http://www.weddingsbeautiful.com
Thank you so much for your replies, this is a rather complicated issue. I know in my previous post I was rather long winded so I am sure it was a bit confusing. To clear it up I have one child and my fiancé does not have any children. I would love to be able to light the tapers before the ceremony, but we are having our wedding on the beach so we will need to light them and use them asap. We will also be making our own candles by purchasing plain candles and attaching pressed flowers and water-slide decals to them. I love the idea of my son lighting my candle and making mention in the program that he is lighting it in place of my deceased mother. I ran the idea by my fiancé a few weeks ago about the memorial candle, he doesn't like the idea. I think it is really more that he has most all of his family and probably doesn't understand what I am going through. But I thought about it and she passed away 22 years ago, a sentence in the program is a great idea. I want to mention all of the wonderful ideas from the Queen and Nany Tucker brought tears to my eyes, those are all such special tributes. Thank you!
Discussion is key but do what makes the two of you most comfortable and happy, but without regrets. Whether 22 years or 2 years, the memory of your mother is precious to you. Memorialize her the way you see fit but keep in mind that this is a happy ocassion and you don't want to focus on the memorial either.
I understand what you are speaking of since both of my parents, a sister, brother and grandparents have all passed. It's very hard at these times in your life, especially when your fiance has all of his family with him. Again, allowing him to know your thoughts will go a long way in helping him to understand how you feel.
It sounds like your wedding is going to be beautiful so enjoy the day! Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Unity Candle
. I would love to do the unity candle thing, I was thinking of having three tapers; one for my fiancé, one for my son and one for myself. The mothers lighting them is a terrific idea, I would light my son's, my soon to be mother in law will light my fiancé's but I am at a bit of a loss as to who to have light mine. I would like to made mention during the ceremony that so and so is lighting the bride's candle since her mother is no longer with us or something of that sort. I was thinking of having my father light mine, but I also don't want to obviously disclude his wife (though I am not too keen on the idea of including her, not a real good relationship you know). Also my father's wife never knew my mother, but my father is also a minister and will be conducting the ceremony, so him lighting my candle may not even be feasible. I no longer have any siblings (that was my next thought) I buried my only brother 2 years ago and never had any sisters. I also no longer have any aunts or uncles as they have since passed on as well. The only people at my wedding that knew my mother will be myself and my father, and the only family that will be there are my father and my son. So I am at a loss. I also wanting to include my fathers wife to a degree without actually having her be "mom". She will be receiving a corsage, and a necklace along with my soon to be mother in law. And I also want to mention that my son is walking me down the aisle because I even thought about him lighting mine. Forgive my rattling; things are a bit complicated on my side of the family 
