We just got engaged and we have 4 months to plan our dream wedding. The groom's father is a pastor and for the last 6 months we have been attending his church 90 miles away. We are not members there (yet) and the local church we attended briefly has no building, it meets in a hotel- we found we like making the long trip to his father's church but we are not enthusiastic about using that church for our wedding(it's small, not the setting we imagined, not an accessible location for my close friends.)
We would like to have the groom's father marry us AND have the ceremony locally. This means we need to find a church that will let us be married using our own pastor.
How do I go about asking local churches if they will let us get married there with our own pastor?
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Feb 24, 2006, 4:58 PM)
RevSusanna
Interfaith Wedding Minister
Post #2 of 5
(1259 views)
Re: [sunset4sd] groom's father is our pastor
[In reply to]
Explain your situation openly and politely. However, be sure to mention that you are willing to pay for the use of their lovely church. Many of my couples have paid for the use of a church where I have come in, as an outside minister, to perform the wedding. Often, I have to present my papers to the pastor. Keep in mind that some churches will not allow an outside pastor to preside over a service. Many will. If one says no to you, do not lose heart. Simply try another---and another (if you have to.)
Re: [RevSusanna] groom's father is our pastor
[In reply to]
We found a church! Now, how much do I donate to the church that will be hosting our ceremony? They do not have set fees. Another local church had fees as high as $1000 minimum (for the space, janitors, organist, etc).
I was figuring around $400 for the church and making another $400 donation to the groom's father's church. The groom's father does not want any fee from us directly, but I am planning on getting him a nice hotel room since he will have to travel 100 miles for the day of the wedding.
Is this enough?
Thanks
RevSusanna
Interfaith Wedding Minister
Post #4 of 5
(1186 views)
Re: [sunset4sd] groom's father is our pastor
[In reply to]
Congratulations on finding a church!
Your donations seem enough to me. As you said, fees/donations vary. I have heard church fees from $350 to $7000 here in NYC. You can ask the pastor of the church: "How much do couples who are not members of your congregation typically donate?" Outside members donate more as they have not been supporting the church thoughout the year/s.
The hotel room idea is very sweet! Perhaps you can also have flowers or a small gift and a thank you card waiting for him in his room. I think he would really appreciate it.
May you be showered with divine blessings on your special day!
Re: [sunset4sd] groom's father is our pastor
[In reply to]
Fees for churches and pastor/ministers/officiants vary greatly. I agree - your offered fee is fair and generous. And a nice touch in addition to the hotel room would be a lovel gift basket or perhaps a gift certificate for dinner. Annemarie Juhlian, Wedding Officiant & Minister
groom's father is our pastor
