My mother passed away 20 months ago from cancer. My father remarried this past Thanksgiving. We are getting married in May and are struggling with the best way to honor my mother in the service (I am the groom and it will be mothers day weekend). I do not dislike my fathers new wife, but am not close to her and do not want her, or think it would be appropriate for her, to sit on the front row. I do not think she would be comfortable with this either, but do not want to "demote" my father. My mother's parents are both still alive and will attend the service. We thought it would be a great thing for my grandmother to sit on the front row, along with my grandfather. Would it be inappropriate for my father the sit on the second row with his new wife? I thought maybe my father could escort my grandmother in the church, seat her, then take a seat with his wife (already seated) behind her. I have already asked my brother to be my best man since I was his in his wedding. My fiance plans to give her bouquet to my brother and sister-in-law after the wedding (privately, not part of the ceremony) for them to place on my mother's grave, rather than throwing it at the reception. We considered also having the front row remain empty and I would place a rose on the pew, but I am not sure I can keep my composure in doing so. What is the appropriate thing to do here? Please give us some ideas...
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Feb 6, 2007, 11:01 AM
Post #2 of 2
(426 views)
Re: [bdm] loss of mother and recently remarried father
[In reply to]
Dear BDM,
Probably the best way to answer this is to pose a question. How would you feel if you were in your stepmother's place? She is your father's wife and you want to use your wedding as a memorial for your mother, who was his first wife.
This isn't the same as if your father and mother were divorced and they would sit in the third row, while your mother sat in the front. They should sit in the front row and it would be viewed as insulting for them to be seated anywhere else. Personally, if it were me, I'd feel as if I was second rate and not really part of the family.
The best way to honor your mother is to light a candle for her and mention her 'in memoriam' in your program.
loss of mother and recently remarried father
