My fiance and I have lost close loved ones. Together we have lost five. He wants to honor them, but I do not want to bring sorrow to our wedding. Because one of them is his father and his mother and sister will be there and also one of them is my grandfather and his wife and children will be there. I have read about the memorial candle and flower vase and also the bells and words that can be spoken, but is there anything that is subtle that can be done? Maybe something that is more personal between the two of us.
If you wish not to do anything publically, the day before your ceremony you can can say a private prayer for them or light a candle (perhaps in a church) acknowledgeing them before you publically join hands and hearts in marriage. (Even saying, "Mom, Grandpa, I love you. We are thinking of you on our big day. We miss you. " can be very meaningful and healing.) You can also hold, wear or use personal things that belong to them on your wedding day...a piece of jewelry, a hankerchief, a glass, a candle holder, a lucky charm. You can write a memorial note of acknowledgement, gratitude and love and put it someplace special---you will know the place. Or you can simply go to a beautiful place, the ocean for example, and express your feelings.
There are hundreds of ways to acknowledge those who have passed. The important thing is the love you have for them in your hearts. That is the greatest tribute and honor.
I have created wedding ceremonies honoring loved ones in very subtle ways. Every couple is different - some are very insistent on being very public with their remembrance and others perhaps a more private route. One possibility is to light a candle at the beginning of the ceremony, honoring all family members who have passed. Rev. Susanna's suggestion of honoring relatives the day before is a wonderful idea, too. Remember, there is no "right or wrong" - do whatever is in your heart. Annemarie Juhlian, Wedding Officiant & Minister
subtlely honoring loved ones
