My boyfriend and I have decided to get married in Hawaii in August. We are not inviting our families to join us but we plan to tell them a few weeks beforehand and have a reception a month or so after we return. We have already bought our non-refundable airline tickets, made hotel reservations and made a down-payment with the pastor/officiant.
We have not told anyone our plans except for my boyfriend's brother. We told him because we knew he was proposing to his girlfriend soon and we wanted to avoid having wedding parties too close to one another.
However, his brother did get engaged and has just announced to us that he will be having a destination wedding in Florida (where they used to live) 2 weeks before our wedding and nine days before we leave for Hawaii. He graciously told us that we could announce our wedding plans at his reception, but even with his blessing, I find that rude and tacky.
He and his fiance feel that they chose the only date they could as they are both teachers and have the summer. However, I find it inconsiderate for them to knowingly plan a destination wedding 9 days before we leave for our own. I know this is two questions, but perhaps they can be answered together. Is there any way to politely ask them to reconsider the date? If the weddings do end up so close to each other, what is the proper etiquette for the announcement of our marriage plans?
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Post #2 of 6
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Re: [hawaiibride16] 2 weddings in 2 weeks
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I don't really see the problem since you are not inviting guests to your wedding, just to a reception later on. As long as the dates don't force your family members to have to choose between the two weddings, or to have to travel to attend two weddings within a short time of one another, there should be no issue. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
I was reading my post and think I left out a few things.
For the brother's wedding in Florida, they will be inviting the whole family to join them and my boyfriend will be Best Man. So we will be traveling to Florida.
My boyfriend's family lives in the Midwest near us. His brother and fiancee live in the Northeast near the fiancee's family. They are also planning on having a small ceremony in the Northeast before they leave for Florida.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Feb 14, 2008, 11:20 AM)
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Post #4 of 6
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Re: [hawaiibride16] 2 weddings in 2 weeks
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I agree that this might seem tight for you but it's only really inconveniencing the two of you. It sure would have been better for you if he would have scheduled the wedding a little sooner, or later, but he was given your information and made his choice. If you cannot attend or your fiance cannot fulfill his role as bestman then surely let them know. Perhaps your groom should have a talk with his bother. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
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Post #5 of 6
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Re: [hawaiibride16] 2 weddings in 2 weeks
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I completely agree. There really is nothing to do about this, especially since you are not inviting guests. But, the problem I have is with the second ceremony your future brother in law is planning. That isn't proper or polite. They will already be married when they host their destination wedding. Perhaps your fiance could inform him that he has read that once they are married, it is viewed negatively to host another event that resembles a wedding. It is actually rather silly and deceptive to the guests. This information is in most etiquette books and on sites that follow proper etiquette.
I would imagine that if guests knew that they were already married before the destination wedding, they would feel deceived and as if the couple only wanted more gifts.
Ah - I didn't catch that - thanks, Rebecca. Agreed.
Of course, they could always videotape the ceremony to be shown during a reception in Florida. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
2 weddings in 2 weeks
