My junior groomsman is a little boy I have helped to raise for 5 years. He is now living a couple of hours away with his mother. I have invited his mother, step father and little sister (they are even staying at my house for 2 days). Their eldest (18 yr old) daughter also wanted to be invited and she has a baby. I explained there would be no other babies and every additional guest is a big cha ching, cha ching. I wound up allowing her to come as long as she was without the baby or at least move away from the ceremony if the baby cried. Well, I am a week away from the wedding and I am informed that that the eldest daughter will not attend but in her place, the step-father's sister will. I met her as I was told (not asked) she was coming. I have a couple of problems with this. I have A seating and B seating. I am putting the family with my A list because their son is in my wedding. I don't want a stranger in my A seating, as it is very select (only family and very close friends). Second, I have a B&W semi-formal dress code and I am almost certain since she is only visiting her brother that she won't have anything with her. Third, I am positive I will not receive a gift from her (and doubtfully the rest of them) and we are paying $100 a plate. How do I tell them that I am offended by them inviting this stranger and how inconvenient this is for me, without them being offended and possible not allowing the little boy, I love, to be in the wedding. FYI, I also have to find a place for this lady to sleep and our house is already busting with people from across the country. She is not a little lady, she will definitely require a large bed and possibly special seating at the reception and ceremony. Please advise.
First, I have to say that gifts should never be a factor in making up your guest list. I am sure you didn't mean that you are hosting this wedding to receive gifts and/or inviting guests based on their ability to give you a gift to help cover your costs. But, that is the way it is coming across. Invite only those you want to have with you as you profess your love and commitment to your partner and to celebrate with after the ceremony.
No strangers should be invited. Tell your friend that unfortunately you have a very limited guest list and only those closest to you are invited. It is not up to him to replace his daughter with another guest. Wedding invitations are not tickets to be redistributed. I am sure you can come up with a tender way of explaining this. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Thanks so much. I, in no way expect to cover my expenses with gifts and or money. We are just happy for their presence not their presents. We are having a large wedding (200) but we personally know everyone, even the guests of those invited. But I really do not want to pay for a stranger's very expensive meal nor put her up for 2 days. Again thanks.
Additional uninvited guest
