This may sound like a weird question. My husband is the best man in his brother's wedding. None of the women (two sisters and myself) in the groom's family (or our children) are in the wedding party. I am fine with that as the bride has three daughters and two grandchildren that she wants in the wedding (she is a very young grandmother). They have no plans on anyone else doing anything in the wedding other than the Matron of Honor singing two songs during the ceremony.
My question is this: am I obligated to go as the Best Man's wife? Do I have any real role there other than to sit there all by myself for the entire day? I know that I should go and support my brother-in-law, he and my husband are close. However, I tend to be a wall flower and am not comfortable around people that I don't know well. In all honesty, I'd rather just stay home or stay in the car than be in a corner somewhere shuffling my feet watching everyone else (including my husband) having a good time.
expertplanner
BRIDAL CONSULTANT
Jan 20, 2007, 5:22 PM
Post #2 of 7
(887 views)
Re: [bestmanswife] Am I obligated to be at the wedding?
[In reply to]
I understand you not wanting to be around people you don't know. I believe we all have a small inclination to want to be around people we are comfortable with. But in my opinion, life is much more enjoyable when we experience new and exciting things. That includes people. As for your 'wall flower' perspective, you can overcome that outlook, if you really want to.
From my perspective, I see attending this wedding not so much about obligation as I do about building a relationship with your in-laws, as well as supporting your husband. Yes, you could just stay home and 'be to yourself' but that isn't going to always be acceptable with future family events. Rather than looking at this as though you won't have a good time, you should purpose to go and set in your mind that you will have a good time with your husband, and everyone else. The only thing that will really stop you from enjoying the moment is the way you think about it. If you want to have a good time, you will. If you feel you will be 'left out', you will. It is up to you. Rhonda Allen, Bridal Consultant New Beginnings Weddings
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 21, 2007, 5:12 PM
Post #3 of 7
(855 views)
Re: [bestmanswife] Am I obligated to be at the wedding?
[In reply to]
I couldn't agree more. Plus, it may be viewed as impolite if you didn't attend. They are family and your husband is the best man. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
bestmanswife
Jan 22, 2007, 11:27 AM
Post #4 of 7
(836 views)
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Am I obligated to be at the wedding?
[In reply to]
Thanks for your advice. But that brings another question. Since I have to go, what should I do with all the time I will be spending by myself? They already have all the positions covered, so they aren't needing any help from me.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 22, 2007, 11:36 AM
Post #5 of 7
(833 views)
Re: [bestmanswife] Am I obligated to be at the wedding?
[In reply to]
There will be other people there. Plan to get to know at least one person. Plus, you could spend time with other spouses of those in the wedding. Ask if there will be a table with other spouses with whom you could spend time. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
bestmanswife
Jan 22, 2007, 10:23 PM
Post #6 of 7
(811 views)
Re: [Et.byRebecca] Am I obligated to be at the wedding?
[In reply to]
Thanks again for the advice. I am the only non-party spouse of the bridal party, and thus the only one they have to seat without their spouse. (They are letting married partners of the party sit together, as well as the parents sit at the head table.) They have seated me in the opposite corner of the room, with all of my husband's 70+ year old aunts and the Bride's grandmother. I haven't talked to them about the placement yet, but I think they put me there to play "babysitter" or "waitress" to these ladies. Is that appropriate? What else is there to do? No offense, but that does NOT sound like a good time to me.
Also, where do I sit at the wedding? Where ever the ushers put me? I can only hope it's not next to them, because if so I'll be tempted to just get up and leave.
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Jan 23, 2007, 10:36 AM
Post #7 of 7
(807 views)
Re: [bestmanswife] Am I obligated to be at the wedding?
[In reply to]
Honestly none of this sounds awful to me, except if they are seating all of the spouses who are not in the wedding with those in the wedding and not including you. But, otherwise, I wouldn't have a problem sitting with older family members. This is actually very nice.
Typically you would be seated in the second row.
You sound very negative about attending. It is probably best to speak to your husband about this. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Am I obligated to be at the wedding?
