Hello, I've recently been dating a girl I've known for about a year. I've loved her longer than I've dated her and we've actually talked about getting married off in Vegas, but I want to do this the right way. My question is when will it be a good amount of time before I ask her father and mother to give their blessing to the proposal. I know that it will be important to them and her, but its important to me as well. I've been in long relationships where marriage was discussed but never seriously, but now it all seems so serious and I actually find myself asking these questions. I wanted to propose on Valentine's Day, when would be a good time to ask them before hand? Also I am a fulltime college student at the age of 27, getting a degree in Adolescent Education in Biology....would it be a good idea to bring up my plans for work and finances in a discussion like this? If not what should I be saying besides how much I love and respect their daughter to assure them that I will treat her the way they (and she) would want me too? And finally, am I over thinking all this? Thanks for any advice.
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Jan 3, 2008, 3:12 PM
Post #2 of 4
(516 views)
Re: [jdragun2] Asking permission from the parents
[In reply to]
It's very considerate of you to contemplate asking for this woman's parent's approval, however, doing so is a bit of an outdated tradition. Most women are out on their own by the time they consider marrying and don't need the approval of the parents. So, my suggestion would be to discuss the marriage plans with your girlfriend and the two of you can go to her parents as a couple to announce your plans. Remember that by asking, you open yourselves up to the possibility of her parents saying no. Then what will you do?
The two of you can tell her parents together, mentioning how much you love each other and your plans for the future. That should be enough for most parents.
Good Luck. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Weddings by Shayna
WEDDING CONSULTANT
Jan 3, 2008, 3:31 PM
Post #3 of 4
(513 views)
Re: [jdragun2] Asking permission from the parents
[In reply to]
If you already have a good relationship with her parents, and it is important to you to feel like you've included them in the proposal, you could still call or meet with them in advance and advise them more ceremonially of your intentions (I actually still have a lot of couples who observe this tradition, despite the fact that it is a little bit archaic). But you by no means are required to ask her parents for her hand, their permission or any other approval. And if you do go the route of talking to her parents first, you don't need to go through the finance/specific future detail at this point. It would be a very good idea to make sure you and your (hopefully) fiancee to go over that at length, and regularly though. And be prepared to answer about it in knowledgeable fashion - they will definitely ask at some point.
Re: [jdragun2] Asking permission from the parents
[In reply to]
In the etiquette world, this really isn't followed any more because of what the Wedding Queen stated. There is always the chance that you will not receive the answer you wish. Plus, this is also, somewhat, saying that her parents need to give you and her their blessing or permission to marry. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
Asking permission from the parents
