We have a dilemma. We want a child free rehearsal, ceremony and reception. My fiance's buddies, whom are the ushers, all have children ranging from babies & up. None of the attendants in the ceremony have children though. We are getting married in my hometown, which causes his family and buddies to travel between 60-300 miles. We are providing rooms for all of them and have so far included them in the rehearsal dinner plans; however, what will they do with their children? Of course he called them all to announce our engagement and asked them all to be in the wedding because he was in each of theirs. We have discussed this issue as to whether they have family they would be able to leave them with for overnight. I realize this is an extremely touchy issue, even though I do not have any children, I do understand a mother's concern for their child's welfare, the bond they have and their reluctance to be separated from them. We realize that no one initially considered this when the announcement was made and people accepted their spot, so now what do we do? My mother is against paying for our churches nursery since she is highly against children attending the ceremony, especially since it is being videotaped. He wants his buddies to participate in the wedding, but he doesn't want them to bring their children, but he also realizes that this will burden his buddies. Of course the mothers could watch the children at the back of the church during the ceremony, but we were wanting a couple of them to assist in the reception duties, so what do we do with the children? I explained to him that if we stick to our guns and declare "no children" that some of his buddies may have to decline, which we truly do not want. I don't want children there, but I am thinking to simplify and try and please everyone that my fiance should pick up the tab for our church nursery and explain to his buddies wives that the ladies were hired for their benefit, although this still leaves us with the dilemma of the reception dinner. Both of us are in firm agreement that there are to be no children at the rehearsal, so I'm guessing his buddies/ushers do not come, but that ceremony attendants and family will be there. What is a good solution for my mother's pocketbook to not break, my fiance's buddies to participate and for our hopes of a quiet ceremony?
Thank you-hankshoney
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Nov 11, 2006, 4:00 PM
Post #2 of 3
(759 views)
Re: [hankshoney] Attendants with Children
[In reply to]
Dear Hankshoney,
Since parents are no longer financially responsible for the costs of their children's weddings, your mother isn't responsible for any of this. The best solution would be for your fiance to be taking care of this problem. He asked his friends with children to participate, so he should tell them of the no-child rule.
A sitter would be a great option as well because guests, besides the ushers may bring children even if you don't invite them. Both of you should be providing this service, not your mother.
Also, please note that it is never polite to write that the event is 'adult only' or 'no children.' Guests are supposed to know who is invited by the names on the wedding invitation envelopes.
Re: [hankshoney] Attendants with Children
[In reply to]
I agree with Rebecca. In addition, I'd like to note that, many parents would rather choose their own babysitter rather than leaving him with a compete stranger who is not of their choosing. Just because you have a sitter available doesn't mean they will use her. Be prepared for the mom who attends with chid in tow and refuses the sitter. I t seems best to be an all or nothing, children or no children, choice. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Attendants with Children
